THE CO-ED 

- and -—--- 

THE SENIOR 

A COME DY IN 4 ACTS 

BY JOHN F. MITCHELL, JR. 





















Class S u 's.? 

Book_-_ : 

Copyiight N" . _ 

COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 







































THE 

CO-ED AND THE SENIOR 


A Comedy in Four Acts 


By JOHN F. MITCHELL, Jr. 


Copyright, 1909, by John F. Mitchell, Jr. 



GREENFIELD, IND. 

WM. MITCHELL PRINTING CO. 




CAST OF CHARACTERS. 


James Rudolph, the Senior. 

Will Alexander, his room-mate. 

Harrison Clark, a sport. 

Dennis Welsch, a college politician. 

Harry Gibson, a pitcher. 

Graham Pierson, a pledge. 

Bill Anthony, captain of the foot ball team. 

Norman Hunt, President of the Athletic Associa¬ 
tion. 

Leander Smythe, the class poet. 

“Pop” Turner, Station Agent, Post-master, Store¬ 
keeper and Proprietor of the “Sunny Side Boarding 
House.” 

Worth Williams, a Freshman. 

Rufus Boyden, Secretary of Beecham University. 

Annette Miller, Assistant in the French Depart¬ 
ment. 

Mrs. Aaron New, Proprietress of a New Boarding 
House. 

Paul Pesh, her son. 

Pauline Day, the Co-ed. 

Mary Billings, Leader of the Thetas. 

Anna Huston, a Theta. 

Carry Winter, a Freshman. 

Gem James, Leader of the Kappas. 

Helen Cravens, Captain of the Girls’ Basket Ball. 
Team. 

Luella Moore, a Kappa. * 

9 

Students, Baggagemen, Candidates and Members of 
the University Band. 


©CI.D 1735 i 


THE CO-ED AND THE SENIOR. 


ACT I. 

Scene i. The Pennsylvania Railroad station at Beech- 
dale on an October morning. It is the first day 
of college at Beccham University, and the students 
come to see the new arrivals who are expected 
on the morning train. 

At the left is the rear of the station with steps leading 
from the stage to a raised platform surrounding 
it. Piles of trunks and trucks are scattered 
about. At the right is the rear of the freight 
depot, with similar steps and platform running 
around. The usual railroad, express and tele¬ 
graph signs are noticeable on the building. At 
the rear is a fence, made of posts and tubing. 
Leading off from the right is a drive. In the dis¬ 
tance the campus and college buildings may be 
seen. 

Scene i. Baggagemen are discovered arranging trunks 
and baggage. 

First B. This town will wake up tonight, with all 

of the students back in college. 



Second B. I, for one, am glad of it. there has 
been nothing doing since they left. 

Third B. No. 86 brings in the last of them, and 
the agent told me to deliver the trunks to the girls 
before this afternoon or the whole bunch would swoop 
down on us. 

Fourth B. The fraternity people will meet this 
train all right. They are still “rushing." 

First B. ‘‘Rushing" what? 

Fourth B. I would hate to juggle baggage in a 
college town for a year and be as ignorant as that. 
You see, when a fellow lands in town to enter col¬ 
lege, a freshman, you know, each fraternity wants 
him to join their “frat." After they have spent all 
of their money on him, giving dinners, dances, and 
things, for a week, he ups and joins the other frater¬ 
nity. 

Third B. Here, fellows, get busy and load these 
trunks on the wagon before “Pop" arrives. This is 
his busy day. 

j j 

(Enter Pop Turner from Station. He is a typical t il¬ 
lage postmaster and passenger agent, a man past 
fifty years of age. On his hat appears the zvord 
“AgentS) 

Pop. ( Reading train order.) “First section of 86 
will meet train No. 4 at siding 44. Second 86 on 98’s 
time siding at Beechdale." I guess I have that straight 
now, but I don’t know whether I can remember it or 
not. When them pesky students come down here I 
don't know whether I am a-foot or horseback. ( To the 
Baggagemen) Boys, if 1 can get these trunks delivered 
before that dance tonight, I'll sure be a lucky man. 
When a fellow has to be passenger, freight and 

4 


ex- 


press agent and telegraph operator for this company, 
there is very little time left for running a boarding 
house, a store, a laundry, besides attending to 
the duties of town constable. I tell you it’s a hard 
life. Then you have to handle these students just 
right or you’ll get the worst of it. 1 have searched 
high and low for a basket of laundry; have you run 
across it, yet? It just has to be found. The boys 
want their boiled shirts for the blamed dance tonight. 
There is my ice cream, all right. I keep the soda 
fountain open just as long as the students say—for 
they certainly are strong for it. Let 'em come, says I. 
I’m already for ’em. 

Fourth B. Do all these trunks go to the Kappa 
House? ( Points to trunks off left.) 

Pop. You bet, and put all of the wagons on the 
job and get back here before 86 comes in. 

(Exit Baggagemen left.) 

Pol*. (Scratching his head.) Thirteen trunks lost 
is not bad. Two years ago I had just twice the help 
and lost 34. They can’t kick on that. mail on 

Platform.) Gee Whiz! There is the mail; been here 
ever since 4 o’clock this morning. Well, I can’t watch 
everything; there ain’t but one of me. I talked to 
every voter in the county during the last campaign, 
and helped elect the whole ticket—all I got out of it 
was this one-horse postoffice. My laundry pays bet¬ 
ter, ten to one, than this postoffice business. ( Looks 
down the drive to right.) I knew it; right now is 
where my troubles begin—a lot of women. I’ll bet, 
with lost trunk checks. ( Exits into freight depot.) 
{Enter Miss James, Miss Cravens, Miss Moore, talk¬ 
ing earnestly to Miss Winter, a new arrival.) 

5 


Miss James. We are here in plenty of time for 
the train. Don't worry about your trunk, Miss W in¬ 
ter, the agent will find it for you. As you are not 
familiar with college ways, we are going to help you 
in every possible way to see that you are comfortably 
settled in Beecham. It is quite an art to enter col¬ 
lege, especially this institution, where credits are so 
hard to make, but one of the most important features of 
college life is its fraternities. Unless you join the right 
one you will have a mighty slow time. As I have told 
you, we are the oldest and strongest girls’ sgrority 
on the campus. W r e are supported by the Phi Cliis, 
the leading men's fraternity, and oh, they give the 
swellest dances. We all like you immensely. 

Miss Winter. Oh, I want to join some society, for 
I have a chum at home who thinks they are perfectly 
lovely. But she charged me, above all things, not to 
join the Kappa, or something like that, because she 
said they were the saddest birds on the campus. 

Miss Moore. You surely can’t mean the Kappa 
Beta Tan—that’s our “frat." There must be some 
mistake. 

Miss Cravens. Oh yes, you must have the wrong 
name. 

Miss Winter. Perhaps I didn’t get the name right, 
but I can draw the Greek of it. (She takes card 
and pencil from her bag and draws letters.) Here it 
is. 

Miss James. (Aside to other girls.) Our letters, 
all right. If we land her we must give her the alumni 
talk and take her before she discovers her mistake. 
(To Miss Winter) I don’t seem to make out these let¬ 
ters, but it doesn’t matter. We only want you to' join 

6 


the best society, and of course that one is ours. It is 
not a local affair, you understand; we have chapters 
in all of the leading colleges and universities in Amer¬ 
ica. Our national standing, as you will note in Beard’s 
Manual, is far ahead of any other. Do you realize 
that such women as Martha Washington, Mrs. Grant 
and hundreds of others are numbered among our il¬ 
lustrious alumni. And our initiation is the cutest thing 
you ever saw, so impressive you will want to be good 
and cry for a week. Then after you are initiated you 
can wear our beautiful pin. Isn’t it just dear. The col¬ 
ors harmonize with anything you wear. Now, Miss 
Winter, come, give in. 

Miss Winter. I don’t know what to do. 

Miss Cravens. We forgot to tell you about our 
lovely house. It is a mass of cozy corners, pillows and 
pennants with a chafing dish in every room, it 
is the sweetest thing in Beechdale. Our alumni built 
it. I am sure you would not be satisfied in any other 
society. You say you like our girls. Why not accept 
and get into the fraternity spirit early in the term? 

Miss Winter. Yes, I do think you are all lovely, 
but— 

Miss James. Why hesitate? 

Miss Moore. O! let us pin on the colors. 

Miss Winter. You are so persistent I hardly 
know how to say no, but— 

Miss James. I knew it—that’s a dear. 

Miss Moore. You will never regret it. 

(They pin on the colors and jubilantly kiss Miss Win¬ 
ter and place their arms about her neck.) 

Miss James. ( With arms about Miss Winter.) My 
dear, dear sister, you are bound to us with golden 
ties. 7 


Miss Cravens. Just think, you are the fourth girl 
we have landed today, and some of our older girls 
went down to the junction to line up any new ones 
that may be on this train. 

Miss James. Now, shall we look after your trunks ? 
(They move over to right, near the freight depot steps, 
and call to “Pop," inside. 

Miss Cravens. “Pop," oh, “Pop" Turner. 

(Enter “Pop" at the door.) 

Pop. No mail girls. 

Miss Cravens. We are not after mail. We want 
a trunk taken to the Kappa house at once. 

Pop. Where's your check ? 

Miss Cravens (to Miss Winter). The check? 

Miss Winter. Pshaw, Pve left it in my grip. (To 
Pop.) It’s an old, brown trunk with ropes around it. 

Pop. It's the numbers, Miss, that we pick 'em out 
by, not the ropes. 

Miss Winter. Girls, what will I do? I can't go 
to the dance if the trunk isn't found. 

Miss James. Now don't worry about that; we 
have sixteen girls in the house and surely you can find 
something to wear. 

Pop. I’m starting in with some new rules, but I’m 
afraid they won't last long. (Exit.) 

Miss James (to Miss Moore.) Now, Luella, next 
year you will have to take charge of the rush, and 
you must have your first instructions today. When 
this train arrives, crowd up to the steps, and if any 
new girls come in, hurry them up to the house—don't 
let the Thetas have a chance at them whatever you do. 

(Enter Bill Anthony from drive at R.) 

Anthony. Good morning, girls, it looks good to 

8 


see you again. This place is almost impossible when 
college is over. We have been here a week getting 
the house in shape. (Shakes hands with girls.) 

Miss Cravens. Just the same old Bill. Oh! Let 
us present our newest pledge. Miss Winter (to Miss 
Winter) Mr. Anthony is captain of our foot ball 
team, and we expect great things of his men this sea¬ 
son. 

Anthony. I am very glad to meet you and congratu¬ 
late you on your wise decision. Your fraternal asso¬ 
ciations will be delightful, I am sure. After the initia¬ 
tion— 

Miss Winter (frightened ). The initiation? Oh, I 
never thought of that. 

Miss James. Don't let'him frighten you. After 
you become better acquainted with “Cap," you will 
understand his delight in scattering terror among the 
freshmen. What is the news, Bill? I hear Alma gave 
Harry’s pin back. 

Anthony. Yes, she is wearing a Beta Nu pin now 7 , 
which belongs to Johnnie Winn’s cousin. She met him 
at their convention last year. 

Miss James. We heard it was only a convention 
button. 

Anthony. No, its their regular frat pin. No jew¬ 
els in it though. 

Miss James. You know 7 she turned down “Eggs” 
Whiffle last spring term because his frat wouldn’t let 
girls wear their pins. Isn’t she the limit? 

Anthony. Say, girls, I know you will like our 
new men. We have pledged four dandy fellows. I 
am strong for one in particular; his name is Williams; 
he is a live one. Hunt will bring him down after 

9 


while. The others are sight-seeing in the Dean’s office, 
trying to make two terms of Latin stretch over three 
years. 

Miss James. If they get by the Dean without giv¬ 
ing an outlined history of their scholastic life they are 
dandies. Every term they trump up a subject I missed 
in high school. 

Miss Cravens. I think this college is going back¬ 
ward every year. Look how much fun we used 
have. But now since we have such a narrow faculty, 
they expect us to do nothing but study, study all the 
time. Only four dances a term ; fellows can't stay un¬ 
til ten; the idea — and a lot of other crazy rules. I'll 
het its slow here this year. Everybody in the Senior 
class is engaged almost; cases carried over from fresh¬ 
man year. I guess the President of the class is the 
only unspoken-for man left. 

Anthony. Who, Jim Rudolph? Haven’t you 
heard? Gee, you people are slow. Jim and Pauline 
Day have an awful case. Started last spring term, but 
took on its big shape this summer. 

Miss James. I don't believe it. 

Anthony. That's straight, Gem; ask any of the 
fellows. 

Miss Cravens. Pauline Day having a case with a 
“Barb?" Bill, there surely is some mistake. Pauline 
has always been one of the most loyal supporters the 
fraternity fellows had. I can't see why she now takes 
up with Rudolph, who doesn’t belong to a fraternity. 

Anthony. The fact that he is not a fraternity 
man is the reason for Pauline’s interest, no doubt. 
When Rudolph entered college every fraternity rushed 
him. I wish we might have landed him, but the ifiem- 


io 


bers of the Scroll and Sword Literary Society finally 
got him, and now he is their President. 

Miss James. Oh, he’s a fine fellow, all right, only 
it seems strange that two people so entirely different 
should have a case. 

Anthony. Those are usually the kind that do. 

Miss Cravens. Pauline is a jolly fine girl, but I 
don’t think much of her sorority sisters. Sad birds— 

Miss James. .Oh, Helen, aren’t you ashamed? 

Miss Cravens. Well, I don’t care. I think those 
Thetas are the smallest people in the university. They 
rented all the carriages last year for this rush, but so 
far they haven't had a girl to rush, thank heavens. I 
should like to tell them what I think of their little— 

Miss James. Now, Helen, you have said enough. 
Miss Winter is really shocked. 

Anthony. I don’t wish Rudolph any bad luck, 
but I do hope he will not devote too much time to the 
Co-ed and neglect base ball. He is the best athlete we 
have. 

Miss Winter. I heard you speak of “Barbs.” 
What are they ? 

(All laugh.) 

Miss James. Dearie, the Barbarians are the people 
who do not belong to fraternities. We are the Greeks, 
you know. 

(Enter Alexander from R.) 

Alexander. Hello, everybody. Any news today 
for the “Collegian?” 

(They greet each other and laugh.) 

Miss James. That sounds familiar—“Any news.” 
Now we know that college has opened in earnest. 

Miss Cravens. When will the paper be out? 


ii 


Alexander. Just as soon as the editor arrives and 
puts a few finishing touches to the “Welcome to New 
Students." 

Miss James. And that will be? 

Alexander. I look for him on this train. 

Anthony. Will Jim Rudolph get in on this train? 

Alexander. That's what I said. 

Anthony. Good. We have to get together on 
some athletic stuff. 

Alexander. Give me some kind of a story, “Cap," 
about the team. Any good material in the freshman 
class ? 

Anthony. I will probably have something for the 
first number. We haven’t had any real practice yet. 

Miss Cravens. You may issue a call for all candi¬ 
dates for the girls’ basket ball team to come to my 
room Friday night. Sign it “The Captain." That's 
me. 

Alexander. I’ll do it; on the first page she goes. 
(Enter Phi Chis from right. Hunt and Smythe rush¬ 
ing Williams. As they come down center earn¬ 
estly talking to Williams, Alexander and the girls 
move over to right and sit on the steps. Anthony 
joins group in center.) 

Anthony (to Williams). You have been sizing 
up Beechdale, have you ? 

Williams. We’ve been over most of it, haven't 
we, boys? 

Hunt. Just about. And, too, we’ve been trying to 
point out to Mr. Williams on the way down the advan¬ 
tages of fraternity life. As he is a new student here, 
we are anxious to see him well located. You have seen 
all of our men; now what do you think of us? 

12 


Williams. You’re good fellows, all right, but T 
haven’t given this fraternity business much thought. 

Anthony. It’s like this, Williams, all student ac¬ 
tivity is under the supervision of the fraternities. We 
practically control all elections held during the year, 
and furnish all of the social life as well. 

Smythe. The thing to consider is the personnel of 
the different organizations. Of course, you under¬ 
stand we are the leading fraternitv in college. We 
have things pretty well our own way here. Nationally 
We are the strongest and have some of the most repre¬ 
sentative citizens of the country wearing the badge of 
Phi Chi. Lincoln, Harrison, and Homer, the champion 
pole-vaulter of the West, are among our honored 
alumni. 

Hunt. Here is a copy of our magazine (gives him 
magazine) published bv the Grand Councils of the 
National Fraternity. You can see from the report of 
the chapters and the chapter letters the magnitude of 
this organization. 

Williams. Fellows, I appreciate all you have told 
me, but I don’t want to go into this thing hurriedly 
and do anything that I might regret. It’s awfully 
kind in you taking such an interest in me—I appreci¬ 
ate it immensely; but there’s one thing I will agree to. 
I’ll be with you in athletics. 

Anthony. That’s good, but we want you in our 
fraternity. It won’t get you anything to put it off. 
Why not pledge yourself now? You say you are go¬ 
ing in for athletics, and as we control most of it, you 
see you will have every show. Anthony, here, is the 
captain of the foot ball team. 

Williams. I thank you for the invitation, but 

13 


must ask you to give me a little more time. You 
know I have only been here a few hours and have met 
but few people. 

Anthony. You certainly must meet some of our 
girls. {He leads Williams over to girls at R and 
presents him all around. Hunt takes Miss Cravens o ff 
to one side.) 

Hltnt {to Miss Cravens). We can’t land this fel¬ 
low at all. You give him the talk. He wants to go in 
for athletics, and he is anxious to make a hit with the 
girls. Those are the points to emphasize. 

Miss Cravens. I’ll do my best. 

Hunt. If you do, Helen, then he’s our goat. The 
Chi Alphas are after him strong. Tell him we don’t 
have to take in men just to fill up the chapter house 
like some of them do. We forgot this point. 

(Miss Cravens and Mr. Hunt return to group at 
right. Miss Cravens becomes greatly interested in 
Williams, and they talk earnestly to each other. 
The others withdrazv to the center.) 

Anthony {to Hunt). Let us leave them alone; we 
can take the girls down town for a soda and return 
later. 

{They exit, leaving Miss Cravens and Williams near 
the depot steps.) 

Miss Cravens. Do you know, I am just crazv 
about athletics. Are you acquainted with basket ball? 

Williams. I played on the high school team. 

AI iss Cravens. Do tell me all about it. You know 
I am captain of the girls team, but there’s a lot I don’t 
know about the game. 

\\ i lli a ms. Indeed, I shall be very glad to show 
you what little I know. 


14 


Miss Cravens How very kind. I’m awfully glad 

I know you. You remind me of my brother, only 

you’re more interesting. Let’s walk down the track a 

little way. ( They walk slozely over to left.) 

Williams. All right—but, Miss Cravens, I should 

like to be a little nearer than a brother. What are vou 

♦ * 

going to do tonight? 

Miss Cravens. Not a thing. 

Williams. May I come over? 

Miss Cravens. I’ll wait for you on the porch. 

(They exit left.) 

{Enter Mr. Boyden from the right. He is a rather 
elderly man, very prim and dignified. Pie is in an 
excited and happy frame of mind over the arrival 
of the new assistant in the French Department. 
“Pop”' appears at the door of the depot, and as 
Mr. Boyden enters he walks slowly dozen the 
steps to meet him.) 

Pop. Good morning Mr. Secretary; didn’t expect 
to see you down here today. Your office is such a busy 
place at the opening of college. 

Mr. Boyden. I should be in the office this minute, 
but I am greatly concerned about three boxes of books 
for the college. If they have not arrived, four profes¬ 
sors will be unable to start their classes on time. 

Pop. We’ll take a look around over the freight 
and maybe we can find them. (Pop turns to go into 
depot.) 

Mr. Boyden. Oh, by the way, Mr. Turner, have 
you noticed a young lady this morning in company 
with several students in an automobile? 

Pop. Don’t believe I have. Is she a new student? 
Mr. Boyden {brightens up). Well, not exactly. She 

15 


is our new assistant in the French Department, and 
I am interested in seeing her comfortably settled be¬ 
fore her work begins. 

Pop. Did you say she was a young woman? 

Mr. Boyden. Very young and very good looking— 
very. 

Pop. Then you don’t need to worry about her being 
comfortable in this town. 

Mr. Boyden. I suggested last evening that some 
of the young men show her over the campus, but she 
said she preferred me, instead. She is a very sensible 
young lady. Very sensible, indeed. 

Pop (aside). Even the secretary has it. I can’t tell 
for the life of me whether he wants me to look up the 
girl or the lost books. (To Mr. Boyden.) Just step in 
here Mr. Boyden, and while I am looking up your 
shipment you can watch out of the window for 
the automobile. (They exit into Depot.) 

(Enter from the drive at right, Miss Billings and Miss 
Huston. They are excited and nervous.) 

Miss Billings. Pauline isn’t here. Ann, what on 
earth are we going to do ? 

Miss Huston. Oh, it’s terrible, and we haven’t 
taken in a single girl. Just think of it, Mary, last year 
at this time we had pledged eight. We can’t have our 
tea tonight in honor of the new girls. All those pretty 
refreshments and those new candles will never be used. 

Miss Billings. No one has entered this year worth 
having; we don't want just anybody, do we? Maybe 
Pauline has some new ones. 

Miss Huston. Perhaps the Alumni will bring some 
in on this train. I wouldn’t care so much if it wasn’t 
for those old Kappas. Won’t they gloat 

16 


over us? 


Miss Billings. They will see at the dance tonight 
that we have no one. What shall we do? 

Miss Huston ( breaking down and crying). Just 
think we haven’t pledged a single person! 

Miss Billings. Look here, Ann, you’ll have to 
stop that crying at once. Keep up a hold front. Sup¬ 
pose some of those Kappas should come down here 
and see you. That Miss Winter is the best girl in the 
Freshman class, and I have made up my mind to steal 
her away from those Kappas. I feel sure we can lift 
her. If I could only talk it over with Dennis, he could 
find a way; but, man-like, he’s never here when he’s 
needed. I suppose he is working politics for all there 
is in it. 

Miss Huston. Pauline should be here, too. It’s 
awfully mean in her to treat us like this. 

Miss Billings. She is more interested in the ar¬ 
rival of James Rudolph on this train than in getting 
new material for the fraternity. Of course, that’s her 
affair, but why couldn’t she have fallen in love with a 
fraternity man and given the sorority the benefit of 
his influence. 

Miss Billings. Shall we stay here, or go back to 
the house? 

Miss Huston. We may as well stay, I would be 
as miserable in my room as I am here. 

Miss Billings. I like that—but, cheer up, ‘Ann! 
Here comes those Kappas. Watch your chance to get 
Miss Winters. Laugh, laugh, I tell you. ( They laugh 
a forced laugh.) 

Miss Huston. I feel wonderfully like it, when I 
haven’t slept any for three nights. ( They laugh and 
retire to left.) 


17 


(Enter Miss James, Miss Winter, Miss Moore, Mr. 
Anthony, Mr. Hunt and Mr. Smythe. They 
are laughing and talking among themselves.) 

Miss James {to her party). I wonder what’s up 
with the Thetas? They’re in mighty good spirits. 

Anthony. Maybe they have some new girls-. 

Miss Huston {to Miss Billings). Let’s go, Mary. 

Miss Billings. Not me, I am going to get Miss 
Winters away from those knockers or die in the act. 

{Enter Mr. Bolden and Pop from the Depot.) 

Mr. Boyden. Good morning, young people. 

All. Good morning. 

Mr. Boyden. Welcome again to Beechdale! It 
gives me great pleasure to tell you that the college is 
in a splendid financial condition and everything points 
to a prosperous year—a year of serious, conscientious 
study. 

All. Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

Mr. Boyden. We have made some improvements 
about the buildings, added a number of reference books 
to the library. We have made a few changes in the 
faculty, too; strengthened several departments. By 
the way, we have a new assistant in the French Depart¬ 
ment, a delightful young lady. She comes to us from 
Wellesley College in New England, and I am quite 
sure you will find her a most agreeable person. Her 
father and myself were in the Civil war together, and 
I am glad the daughter will be with us this winter. 

Anthony. Me for French this year. 

Mr. Boyden. The Chi Alpha boys are driving her 
about our little city this morning, and I think they 
are coming down here. 

Pop {aside). I’m anxious to see this young lady; 

18 


but if he wants to keep her for himself he’s making a 
mistake in turning her over to the students. (To Miss 
Billings). Here is a telegram from some of your girls 
on the train. It was sent from the Junction, and it’s 
certainly blue news for you. (Gives the telegram.) 

Miss Billings (to Pop). This isn’t your affair. 
(To Miss Huston). Cheer up, Ann, this telegram says 
there is not a new girl on the train. Wait a minute— 
after you read it, laugh as if it contained good news. 
(Miss Huston reads the message, and they both 
laugh as if it brought zvords of encouragement.) 

Miss James (to Miss Moore). Watch every move 
those Thetas make; there is something doing on this 
train, and we must beat their time. 

(The toot of an automobile horn is heard and the 
students rush up the stage and look dozen the drive 
at right. An automobile dashes in, decorated with 
college colors—blue and white—and pennants. In 
the auto are Mr. Clark, Mr. Gibson, Mr. Pier¬ 
son with Miss Annette Miller. The men in 
the auto all escort Miss Miller dozen to the center, 
where she is greeted by Mr. Boyden. The eager¬ 
ness of the men to meet the neze teacher fills the 
other girls with disgust. 

Miss Miller. Wasn’t that a delightful ride? I 
like your car immensely, Mr. Clark. (To Mr. Boy¬ 
den.) Am I not a fright—literally blown to pieces, but 
oh, it was jolly! 

Mr. Boyden. You never looked better, my dear. 
Allow me to present some of our students. 

(Mr. Boyden introduces the students to Miss Miller. 
The men have drawn themselves up in a single 
line and Miss Miller passes dozvn. The young 
ladies receive her with much dignity. 

19 


Smythe. I am very glad to meet the new French 
Professor. 

Miss Miller. Now, gentlemen, once for all, I for¬ 
bid any of you calling me “professor.” 

Clark. We must, during class hours, from eight 
to twelve, but after that - {All laugh.) 

Miss Miller. But I am going to be frightfully se¬ 
vere in the class room. I shall require everyone to 
master all of the irregular verbs in the language. (All 
sigh.) 

Pierson. No place for a Freshman. 

Miss Miller {with a tzvinkle in her eye). Oh, I 
don’t know. If you are real good there may be a wav 
out. 

Anthony {to Hunt). I am for her, and I am going 
to enter one of her classes. 

Hunt. I would too, ‘‘Cap,” if I were you. You 
have tried evervthing else. 

Clark. All of our fellows have entered your de¬ 
partment. {Girls move over to right, near steps.) 

Miss Miller. How fine. I know we are going to 
have a pleasant year. This will give us ample material 
for the play. 

Clark. The play ? 

Mr. Boyden. 1 he faculty has asked Miss Miller 
to coach a play, for class day in June. The actors are 
to be selected from the French Department. 

Hunt. That will be great. Is it to be a French 
play ? 

Miss Miller. No, the faculty have decided upon 
on old English play. I regret this, for I have a number 
of French plays which I am sure we could present with 


20 



credit. I believe the faculty is more interested in the 
pre-Shakespearean drama. 

Anthony. You don't know this faculty. All the 
scenery we have is an old water mill and a railroad 
cut in winter. Thus they have selected a play without 
scenery to be a true example of an Elizabethean drama. 

Hunt. That’s so, we have the cheapest faculty in 
the State. 

Mr. Boyden. Oh, no! I am sure the faculty is al¬ 
ways willing to do everything in its power to assist 
any student enterprise. 

Miss Miller. We must have a meeting real soon 
to talk over the play. 

Clark (to Miss Miller). We are giving a, little dance 
tonight for our new men; won’t you join us? 

Miss Miller. I shall be delighted. Thank you 
so much. 

(Mr. Boyden joins the girls at right. The fellows 
with Miss Miller retire up the stage at the left.) 
(Miss Cravens and Mr. Williams enter from the 
left. They are greatly interested in each other, 
and are walking z ery slozvly. Williams has on a 
large bow of green and red ribbon.) 

Miss Cravens. Let’s see, tonight you are coming 
over to the house; Tuesday we are going to our dance; 
Wednesday we are going to the Phi Chi dinner; Thurs¬ 
day you are coming over; Friday we are going for a 
drive, and Saturday and Sunday nights you are com¬ 
ing over ; and Sunday— 

Williams. Oh Sunday is the big night. And next 
week remember I have engagements with you for the 
foot ball game and the President's reception. 

Miss Cravens. I’ll not forget. It’s awfully kind 


21 


of you, Mr. Williams, to plan so many nice things for 
us. 

Williams. Well, I think it’s awfully nice of you 
taking so much interest in a Freshman. 

Miss Cravens. Let me again congratulate you on 
your elecision in joining this fraternity. 

(At this moment Anthony, Hunt and Smythe join 
Miss Cravens and Williams. They shower 
congratulations op Williams.) 

Anthony. You will never regret this, old man. 

Hunt ( shaking Williams' hand). I had confidence 
in you all along. You are our brother, let me aclel my 
congratuPtons. 

Smythe ( shaking Williams’ hand). Nice work. We 
are glad to have you. 

Anthony (aside to Miss Cravens). You are the 
best girl we have, and we are indebted to you forever. 
How did you get the colors on him? 

Miss Cravens. I have walked and talked to 
him until I am deaf, dumb and blind. Don’t ask me 
how; isn't it enough to know that I have accomplished 
mv mission? He is great and I know you will be proud 
of him. (They shake hands and all join the group at 
right.) 

(Clark, Gibson and Pierson advance to the center.) 

Clark. Where do you suppose Dennis is keeping 
himself. 

Gibson. Playing pool some place, no doubt. 

Clark (to Pierson). Mr. Welch is the man we want 
you to meet. He is one of our most prominent men. 

Gibson. No doubt he will be along in a little while. 

Clark ( aside to Gibson). This man Pierson is show¬ 
ing signs of weakening, and we want to rush him. 

22 


Gibson. Weakening? Why he is having the time of 
his life. 

Clark. Don’t you believe it. Keep a good look¬ 
out for Dennis. He shouldn’t cripple the game this 
way. 

(Enter Mrs. Aaron New zvith her son, Paul Pf.sh. 
Mrs. Nezv is a large, coarse woman, zvearing cloth¬ 
ing purchased in a country store. Her son is a 
little, innocent-looking country youth. They pass 
cards to all of the students. As they come down 
center, Alexander crosses from right to left, when 
he is stopped by Mrs. New.) 

Mrs. New (to Alexander). I beg your pardon, 
young man, but have you spoken for board this year? 

Alexander. Yes, Madam, I shall live with Mr. 
Turner, who has the only boarding house in Beech- 
dale. 

Mrs. New. I wonder if all of the students have 
taken board with him ? I have opened a new boarding 
house; everything clean and fresh; all home-cooking. 
Have a card? ( Gives him card.) 

Alexander. I will see what I can do for you, Mrs. 
New. ( Calls to other students.) If any of you people 
want to get your eats at a new place, here’s your 
chance! 

(All adzance tozvard Mrs. Nezv.) 

Anthony. I fear, Mrs. New, that you are a little 
late, most of us are settled for the year. 

Mrs. New. I was afraid of that, but the idea of 
starting a boarding house didn’t strike me until three 
p’clock Wednesday morning. Paul, here, my son, 
wanted to go to college, and I had at last decided to 
send him, but as I lay there wide awake I thought of 

23 


the many dangers and temptations open to him of ten¬ 
der years in a college town. Then something said to 
me, “Why don’t you go with him and make him a 
home ?” It was then that I decided to come and open 
a boarding house. 


Anthony. Your son must appreciate the sacrifice 
you are making. 

Mrs. New. I hope so. Nobody knows the danger 
of turning a young boy loose to run wild in 
a college town. Now, there is Mrs. Elmo, a friend 
of mine who sent her Charlie to a college, and 
he came home about Christmas time plumb ruined. 
He had on a hat no bigger than that ( makes a 
measurement with her hands), and a pipe that big, ( re¬ 
peating the measurement). He didn’t amount to a 
thing until Hiram Brown took him in the saw-mill. 
Now he is driving a wagon and stands a chance of be¬ 
ing somebody. 

Paul ( weak, scared voice). Yes, but he went to a 
agriculture college. 

Mrs. New ( very emphatically). Will you hush? 

Mrs. New (to Anthony) . I feel that I am doing a 
mother’s duty to come on and make a home for my 
bov, and we will share it with any of you, and I’ll do 
a mother’s part by you. 

Anthony. A college town is a bad place for temp¬ 
tation. 

Mrs. New. Bad place? I saw two pool rooms on 
my way down here. I couldn’t think of lettine mv 
boy go it alone, so I stored my organ and parlor set 
with Mrs. Whitaker, the woman who used to clean 
me on Fridays, and here I am, ready for business. 

Anthony. And Mr. New, will he be with us? 


24 


Mrs. New. Oh, no! Poor soul, he left me a lone 
widow two years ago the twenty-second of this com¬ 
ing February. (She weeps) . And I have had it aw¬ 
fully hard ever since. (She brightens up.) But law, 
he wasn’t much account. That man would sit around 
the house from morning until night. He was actually 
the laziest mortal the Lord ever put breath in. But, 
poor soul, he was right good to run errands. (She 
weeps.) 

(Enter Dennis Welsch, a young, enthusiastic college 
man. He is received with cheers from the stu¬ 
dents as he enters from the drive at right.) 

Anthony. Just in time, Dennis (taking Dennis by 
the arm, he leads him to Mrs. New). Mrs. New, allow 
me to present Mr. Dennis Welsch, president of the 
“Students' Society for the Protection of Young Men.” 

Welsch (aside to Anthony). IT1 fix you for this, 
all right! 

Mrs. New (to Dennis). Young man, I am always 
glad to shake hands with young workers in the cause. 
Have you spoken for board yet? (Gives him card.) I 
am running a mighty nice home for young men. 

Welsch. Just made my arrangements. If I had 
only known of you a few minutes sooner- 

Mrs. New. That’s all right. I want you to meet 
my son, Paul. You have a kind face, and I know 
you are a good boy. See that my son meets the right 
kind of people. 

Welsch. Paul will receive the best of attention 
here. In fact there is a big time ahead for him. Fresh¬ 
men always remember the first year. (To Paid) Have 
you entered college yet ? 

Paul (to Mrs. New). Have I? 

25 



Mrs. New. You know you haven’t been any fur¬ 
ther than the big gate. He’s already stated his pick; 
he wants to be a lawyer. 

Welsch. Then he will enter the Law Department. 

Mrs. New. I suppose so, but I must admit that I 
am not much in favor of this. As long as the law¬ 
yers stick to lawin’ they are all right, but so many of 
’em stray off— Say, is this a dry town ? 

Welsch. No, do you want something? 

(All laugh.) 

Mrs. New. I had hoped that Paul would learn 
some trade that he could do at home. Now he sews 
lovely. You never saw a better hand with the needle. 
Last week our church raffled off a quilt he made, and 
got $5.00 for it. 

(Enter Pop from Depot at right.) 

Welsch. Here is our old boarding-house keeper. 
Perhaps he can give you some pointers. 

(Mrs. New crosses to right. Paul starts to follozv 
her , but Dennis catches him by the arm and pulls 
him back.) 

Welsch. Say, “Freshie,” have you purchased your 
chapel song book? 

Paul. No, sir. 

Welsch. Nor a campus ticket? 

Paul. No, sir. 

Welsch. Listen to that, fellows! (To Paul.) How 
on earth did you expect to get in on the campus with¬ 
out a t cket. Here is one you can have for fifty cents. 
This admits you to the main hall, chapel and the en¬ 
gine room. (Paul buys ticket.) You will need a song- 
book, too, to sing in chapel. The college will charge 
you two dollars, but you can have this one for half 

26 


price. Come on with the money, you will have to sing 
in chapel, you know, don’t you? 

Paul. Yes, sir. ( Paul buys book. All students 
laugh among themselves.) 

Pop ( to Mrs. New). I don’t want to discourage you, 
Mrs. New, but you will soon learn that running a 
boarding house in a college town is about as tough as 
to serve a term in the work-house. 

Mrs. New. Do they eat much? 

Pop. Eat much?— you can’t fill ’em. 

(Mrs. New with Pop and Paul exit into Depot.) 

(During the various movements about the stage, Miss 
Billings and Miss Huston have succeeded in 
getting Miss Winter from the other girls, and 
haze withdrawn to the left side of the stage, near 
the steps. Miss James, Miss Cravens and Miss 
Moore are on the extreme right. The others have 
grouped themselves about the platforms and 
fences.) 

Miss James (to Miss Cravens and Miss Moore). 
Look at that. Those Thetas have stolen Miss Winter. 
Why didn’t you stay with her, Helen? 

Miss Cravens. Well, haven’t I? Pve watched 
her every move, but those Thetas just crowded in be¬ 
tween us and took her away. What shall we do? 

Miss James. Try to get her back, of course. 

Miss Winter (to Miss Billings and Miss Huston). 
Did you say they were the Kappas ? 

Miss Billings. Why certainly. 

Miss Winter. In wrong again. I have pledged 
myself to the society that I was told to avoid. Of all 
the chumps, I am the limit. 

Miss Billings. We can fix that. 

27 


Miss Winter. Yes, but how? 

Miss Huston. Let’s get away from here and I’ll 
explain. 

(Exit Misses Billings and Huston with Miss Win¬ 
ter.) 

Clark (to Dennis). Where on earth have you been? 
Didn't you know we would need you with all these 
new fellows on our hands ? 

Welsch. I’ve had my hands full, all right. While 
you fellows were “fussing” and riding around in an 
automobile, I was looking after some important things 
in other quarters. 

Clark. I suppose you know the rent for the hall 
is due and they say we will have to move out if we 
don't pay up. 

Welscii. We can get the Alumni to help us out on 
that. 

Clark. This man, Pierson, needs more rushing. 

Welsch. He is all right; his father was a Chi Al¬ 
pha. But, say—the Barbs have stolen a march on us 
again. 

Clark. How is that? 

Welsch. The Scroll and Sword Societv, at their 
first meeting last night, nominated James Rudolph for 
manager of the base ball team. Wouldn’t that jolt you? 

Clark. Surely not. Why, Rudolph hasn’t arrived 
yet. 

Welsch. Don’t make any difiference; he is nomi¬ 
nated and we have to get busy or he’ll be elected. It’s 
our turn to have an office, and I am going to see that 
we get this one. 

Clark. I thought the Scroll and Sword was a lit¬ 
erary society. What business have they mixing into 
politics ? Barbs, too, at that. 

28 


Welsch. I am tired of letting these fellows walk 
off with all the prizes and the fraternity people pay 
the bills. Clark, you are the man to run against 
Rudolph. 

Clark. That’s foolish, Dennis. I couldn’t stand a 
ghost of a show against him. He is one of the biggest 
men in college. 

Welsch. Now, be reasonable, Clark. We can get 
the solid support of every fraternity here, and we 
can elect you if you say the word. 

Clark. It’s awfully doubtful. 

Welsch. If I get all of the fraternities lined up, 
will you run? 

Clark. That depends. 

Welsch. Wait a minute. (To Anthony). Bring 
your fellows over here, Bill. 

(Anthony, Hunt, Smythe and Williams join Den¬ 
nis and Clark. 

Welsch. I was just telling Clark what I learned 
this morning. The Scroll and Swords have nominated 
Rudolph for manager of the base ball team. 

Anthony. Taking things in their own hands. 

Welsch. Yes, what do you think of that? Now, 
fellows, the fraternities are losing ground fast. Last 
year Rudolph was elected ed’tor of the “Collegian,” 
and every “barb” was carried through on the ticket. 
It’s time we pulled together. 

Anthony. Something has to be done, you are 
right. We have dreamed along and let the Scroll and 
Sword develop into the most powerful organization in 
college. We will have to put up a mighty game fight 
to defeat them. 


29 



Welsch. The fraternities will have to cut out 
this fighting among themselves and give our candi¬ 
date their undivided support. I believe we can win. 
In fact, we have to, or we are done for. If Rudolph 
is elected, he will be the fifth member of the Student 
Board of Control and this will give the “Barbs’’ a 
majority. 

Hunt. I never thought of that. We’ll have to 
head this thing off. 

Welsch. Sure we will. You fellows want the pres¬ 
idency of the Athletic Association again next year. 
The Phi’s want the editorship of the “Collegian,” and 
the Betas are working for the managership of the foot 
ball team. Now, our proposition is this: We will help 
you fellows to these other offices if you give us your 
support in this fight for the managership of the base 
ball team. 

Anthony. That is a go. I know this will be satis¬ 
factory to the other fraternities. Which one of your 
fellows will run? 

Welsch. I have been after Clark, here, but he has 
net said what he will do. 

Clark. I am willing to do anything to win, but I 
don’t believe I could defeat Rudolph. 

Anthony. You are just the man, and we promise 
you the entire support of the fraternity people. Do 
this, Clark. 

Clark. If you will stick with me, I’ll do it. 

Hunt. We are all for you. (They shake hands all 
around.) 

Welsch (to Anthony). Bill, go over and tell the 
girls our plan. Jolly them along and tell them their 


30 


votes mean more than all of the rest. (Anthony joins 
the girls.) 

(. Re-enter Miss Billings.) 

Welsch. Every fraternity man in this college will 
have to work night and day, and line up as many 
votes as possible. We can pay the initiation fee of a 
lot of Freshmen into the Athletic Association and get 
their votes. 

(Mary Billings comes over to Dennis.) 

Miss Billings (to Dennis). If you fellows need our 
support as much as Mr. Anthony would have us be¬ 
lieve, why weren’t we called into this council to help 
plan the campaign? 

Welsch. Now, Mary, you are not going to gum 
the parade, are you? 

Miss Billings. All you want of us is our vote. 
You map out the whole business, then whistle for us 
to come and vote. This makes me tired. 

Welsch. I thought we were doing you a kindness. 
You seemed so busy with your rush, so we made ar¬ 
rangements, and now we ask you to co-operate with 
us. 

Miss Billings. Co-operate, indeed! This thing is 
going to cause a lot of trouble in our fraternity, for 
Pauline Day is a very good friend of Rudolph’s. 

Welsch. But she is only one. 

Miss Billings. Are you sure Rudolph will run? 

Welsch. Of course he will. I’ll wager he planned 
the whole business. 

Miss Bii lings. Before you launch out on an un¬ 
certain sea, you’d better find out from him what his 
intentions are. 

Welsch. We can do it, all right. 

Miss Billings. You, Anthony and Hunt could 

3i 


compose a Pan-Hellenic committee to wait on Rudolph 
and then you will know better how i to proceed. 

Anthony. Yes, that is a good suggestion. Dennis, 
you explain our plan to the students. 

Welsch. I don’t believe it is necessary. 

Hunt. You’d better. It will arouse their interest. 
(Dennis' mounts steps at left and the students gather 
around after he starts to speak.) 

Welsch. My friends, we have started the new year 
with a nomination for manager of the base ball team, 
ard we hope our selection will meet with the approval 
of all. ( Students cheer.) As our common enemy, the 
“Barbs,” have opened the campaign by nominating 
James Rudolph for this office, we have followed by 
nominating Mr. Harrison Clark, for the fraternity 
people's candidate. 

(The students cheer and call for Clark, crying “speech, 
speech /’ etc. Clark mounts the steps by the side 
of Dennis.) 

Clark. I thank you for this honor and know that 
with your united support, I will be elected to manage 
vour base ball team during the coming season. Tames 
Rudolph, my opponent, will not find such easy sailing 
as he has in the past. The fraternities this year are 
united against this hero of the Barbarians. He had 
hoped to carry out this plan unopposed, and now we 
are forced to- 

(A little before Clark has started on the last sentence 
of his speech Pauline Day enters, and the stu¬ 
dents make way for her down the center of the 
stage. It is noticeable that she is very popular 
with all, as she is received very enthusiastically. 
As she enters, Miss Billings and Miss Huston 
advance to meet her.) 

32 



Pauline (to Clark). Bravo! The campaign has now 
opened in earnest, hasn't it? (She laughs.) 

Miss Billings. Pauline Day, where have you been? 

Pauline. Keeping two dandy girls in my room, 
away from the Kappas. They are still there. 
(Clark, together with other fellows , are indignant at 
Miss Day.) 

(The whistle of the train is heard. This throws the 
entire gathering into a state of confusion. Some 
rush up the platform steps; others hasten in op¬ 
posite directions. They shout, u Thc train! The 
train!” The train arrives off left, and all the stu¬ 
dents hasten off at left. Pauline Day starts to 
follozv them, hut turns hack and crosses to right. 
The students return from the station, escorting 
the nezv arrivals. They cross the stage and exit 
hy the drive at right. They are all jubilant. 
James Rudolph appears and Pauline advances 
to meet him.) 

Rudolph (shaking her hand). Pauline. Pm so glad 
to see you. I thought the train would never get 
here. It’s mighty good of you to meet me. 

Pauline (coyly). How do you know I came to meet 
you ? 

Rudolph. I hoped as much. 

Pauline. You see, we are in the midst of a great 
rush. Think of it, * Jim, it’s the last time I can help 
the girls. Somehow, the fact that we are seniors brings 
a little shade of sadness with it. 

Rudolph. Yes, only a few months separate us 
from the world; then we are forced out, educated. 
(They laugh.) 


33 


(Enter Alexander from left.) 

Rudolph (Rushing to meet him). Will, old man, 
I am mighty glad to see you. How is everybody ? 
What’s doing? 

Alexander. All sorts of things are happening 
around here. The first issue of the “Collegian” will 
appear Monday chuck full of news. Oh yes, Jim, the 
fellows nominated you last night as the Scroll and 
Sword’s candidate for manager of the base ball team. 

Rudolph. That was awfully good of the fellows, 
and I appreciate their kindness, but really, I cannot 
accept. 

Alexander. But you must! 

Rudolph. For the past three years I have given 
all of my spare time to various things controlled by 
the student body. I have the “Collegian” this year, 
and I can’t possibly give up any more of my time. 

Pauline. Jim, this will take but very little extra 
time, and your friends are all so anxious for you to 
manage the team. 

Rudolph. Pauline, I wish I could, but I feel that 
I have sacrificed Enough already. I am willing to play 
on the team, but— 

(Enter Clark, Hunt, Anthony, Welsch and other 
students from right. Rudolph advances to meet 
them.) 

Rudolph. How do you do, fellows? I am awfully 
glad to see you. 

(The fellozcs bozo very coldly.) 

Welsch. As a committee chosen bv the student 
body we were sent to learn your attitude re^ard'nsf 
the base ball managership. 


34 


Rudolph (surprised ). My attitude? What do you 
mean ? 

Welsch. You understand what we mean. We 
know that you instructed your literary society to name 
you as their candidate before college was really 
opened. 

Rudolph. Indeed! 

Welsch. When we learned of it, by accident, I as¬ 
sure you, we immediately called a meeting of the en¬ 
tire student body to select a candidate to defeat you, 
and their choice is Mr. Clark. Now, if you will with¬ 
draw, of course that ends the matter— 

Rudolph. And suppose I do not? 

Welsch. Then you will have the biggest fight on 
your hands, and the strongest opposition of your life. 

Clark. If I am elected, I am going to see that Gib¬ 
son has a fair chance at pitching this year. 

Rudolph. Gibson belongs to your fraternity, I be¬ 
lieve ? 

Welsch. What of it! We want to know what you 
are going to do. 

Rudolph. You ask me to report to you, you, who 
represent yourselves to be a committee sent from the 
entire student body. Why don’t you be men and tell 
the truth ? You come from the fraternities, a very 
small part of the student body. 

Welsch. You practically slipped into the editor¬ 
ship of the “Collegian,” but I assure you, you will not 
get your next office so easily. 

Rudolph. If you have such wonderful support, 
and your success is assured, why do you ask me to 
retire? 

Clark (insultingly ). We are next to your game. 

35 


Your agents have been carrying out your wishes for 
some time. You were to be nominated and then your 
paper would herald your campaign about the campus. 
You are a smooth politician. Just now we came upon 
you trying to win supporters by pleading your cause 
to Miss Day, with the hope that she might swing the 
girls’ votes to you. 

(Rudolph makes for Clark. Others separate them.) 

Rudolph. You contemptible cur! Do you think I 
will be insulted by a weakling of your type? (To the 
others). I only learned, a few moments ago. of the 
honor the Scroll and Sword had bestowed upon me, 
and had refused to accept it, but since you approach 
me as ruffians, I will see who has the entire support 
of the student body. (To Alexander). iVlexander, a 
few moments ago I refused to accept the nomination 
for manager of the base ball team. Now it is my wish 
that you announce to the Scroll and Sword Society 
that I accept it, with pleasure, and will make my 
greatest effort to be elected. 

CURTAIN. 


36 


ACT II. 


(A week is supposed to have elapsed between Act I 
and Act II.) 

(The scene is in the yard between “Pop'’ Turner’s 
“Sunny Side Boarding House,” and the Star Book 
and Refreshment Store. It is an October after¬ 
noon, and the great trees form a shelter for the 
soda tables, which are scattered about the yard. 
On the left is the store with porch. Upon the 
porch may be seen a soda fountain, show cases, 
etc. On the right is the “Sunny Side Boarding 
House,” with its large veranda. In the rear the 
campus and college buildings may be seen.) 

Scene i. (Pop Turner is discovered zvith tray and 
soda glasses at the table in center.) 

Pop. I expect I’ll run shy on ice cream today. It 
always happens, when my supply is short, that I have 
my biggest trade at the fountain. The students put 
my cow in the chapel last night, and I didn’t get any 
milk this morning. But I don’t dare say a word, or 
they’ll take their trade away. Last year they had a 
celebration and burned up my fence. Property don’t 
count for much in a college town. Then, too, it takes 
a regular Philadelphia lawyer to run a fountain to suit 
them. Every fraternity person wants the soda in his 
fraternity glass. Yesterday I gave a Phi Chi a soda 
in a Chi Alpha glass, and he poured it out on the 
ground. I spoke to him about it, in a nice way, but he 
ups and gets mad. I haven’t sold a thing to his fra¬ 
ternity since. It keeps me busy trying to stand in with 
’em. I tell you, it’s a hard life. Now, I wonder how 

37 


I 


in the Sam Hill I am going to get my cow out of that 
bloomin’ chapel. (Exit into store at left.) 

(Enter Miss Billings and Miss Huston with their 
arms about Miss Winter, from the right. They 
treat her with great consideration. Miss Win¬ 
ter wears a large bozo of ribbon. They sit down 
at table in the center.) 

Miss Billings. Gracious, but you had a narrow 
escape. What would have become of you if we hadn’t 
rescued you from that horrid sorority. Aren't you 
glad it's all over? 

Miss Winter. Glad? I never was so thankful in 
my life. 

Miss Huston. Oh, you dear sister. (Miss Billings 
and Miss Huston kiss Miss Winter at the same time.) 

Miss Winter. I don’t see how I ever pledged 
myself to those Kappas. They surrounded me and 
talked yards and yards. Really, I was so confused I 
didn't know what to do, and before I knew it they had 
their colors on me. If I had stayed with them—but it's 
too dreadful to think about. But say, girls, do you real¬ 
ize I haven’t entered college yet? The Dean sent me a 
note this morning stating that if it would not interfere 
with any of my engagements, the faculty would be 
greatly indebted to Miss Winter if she would enter 
college, as they were holding the books open for her. 

Miss Huston. Did the Dean send you that? Well, 
the old pill! 

Miss Billings. Let's map out your course now. I 
have a catalogue with me. 

Miss Winter. Is it very hard to get bv here, 
girls ? 

Miss Billings. Hard? It’s a regular cinch; that 
is, if you know how to manage it. 

38 ^ 


Miss Winter. Well, I don’t want to work too hard, 
for I am not very strong. Last year I carried three 
subjects in high school and I almost ruined my nerves. 
Mamma said I should never overtax my strength again. 

Miss Billings. May I see your entrance state¬ 
ment ? 

Miss Winter ( taking paper out of her shirt zvaist). 
Here it is, I can't make a thing out of it. 

Miss Billings ( looking ozer paper). Let’s see, you 
have to make up two years of German; two years of 
Latin; one year of Science and take three entrance 
examinations in Mathematics, English and History. 

Miss Winter. Merciful heavens! Is that all? 

Miss Huston. Oh, but you can work off these 
entrance requirements during four years here; you 
don’t have to make them up the first year. 

Miss Winter. Well, let the entrance requirements 
go, and I'll take the regular work. 

Miss Billings. You know you can enter as a 
straight Freshman, or Special Student. If I were 
you, I would enter Freshman. 

Miss Winter. Maybe that would be best. What 
will I have to take? 

Miss Billings ( opening college catalogue and read¬ 
ing). “Students entering the Freshman year are re¬ 
quired to carry work equivalent to fifteen hours of 
college work, selecting two courses which will be their 
major subjects to be pursued during the four years, 
if they wish to be classed as candidates for the Bach¬ 
elor of Arts degree. First year students are required 
to take two hours of Greek, two hours of Mathematics, 
either calculus or trigonometry; two hours of either 
French or German; two hours in history; two hours 

39 


of English, and the other subjects may be selected by 
the student. Then- 

Miss Winter. Oh, for heaven’s sake, stop! I 
would last about a week with a course like that. What’s 
the use of taking all that stuff? I am not going to 
graduate. Of course I didn’t come here merely to have 
a good time, but I would like to have time for a little 
fun. I don’t want to work every hour in the day. 

Miss Huston. Of course you don’t. But I would 
take English, my dear, if I were you. The professor 
in charge, Dr. Armatus, is the sweetest man on the 
faculty. He can’t be over twenty-five years old, and 
I wish you could hear his lectures. The grandest 
language! My! He is so considerate, too. You never 
have to recite in his classes. Then he comes to all of 
our dances. The girls are just crazy about him. 

Miss Winter. I’ll take English, all right. 

Miss Billings. Oh, say don’t enter as a Fresh¬ 
man ; it would be too hard. Enter as a Special Student, 
then you can take any subject you choose. 

Miss Winter. That’s what I will do. 

Miss Billings. You want to take English, you 
say. Then, what else? Do you want history? 

Miss Winter. I can’t do history. 

Miss Billings. Chemistry? 

Miss Huston. Of course she don’t. The chemis¬ 
try “Prof.” has a grouch on all the time. 

Miss Billings. German or French? 

Miss Huston. Oh mercy, no! I had an awful 
struggle with Latin. 

Miss Billings. Philosophy, Psychology, or Es¬ 
thetics ? 

Miss Winter (laughs). I want you to hush. 

40 



Miss Billings. I have covered most all of the 
courses in the catalogue. 

Miss Winter. Well, I don’t know, myself. I had 
botany in high school, maybe I could take that again. 

Miss Huston. Oh, gracious, you don’t want bot¬ 
any ! You have to do two hours in the laboratory every 
afternoon, just when we want to play tennis. 

Miss Billings. There are several courses in music. 
Why don’t you take music? 

Miss Winter. The very thing. Why didn’t we 
think of that before. English and music. I believe 
that's all I’d better attempt until I get stronger. 

Miss Huston. That’s an admirable course. 

Miss Billings. We’ll go over to the Dean’s office 
and you can register. Let’s have some soda, first, 
(Calls into store.) Oh, “Pop!” Some customers for 
you. 

(Pop appears at the door of his store.) 

Miss Billings. Three Frappes in Theta cups. 

(Enter Clark, Welsch and Gibson with their new 
pledge, Pierson, from left. Pierson has on green 
and red ribbon. They all gather about the center 
table.) 

Clark {to girls) Hello, everybody. (To Miss 
Winter). Changed colors?—That’s fine. You are in 
the right sorority now. Let me congratulate you. (He 
shakes her hand.) 

Welsch. Count me in on that, too. I am glad to 
see you wearing the colors of Theta Sigma Rho. But 
look at our new pledge! 

Miss Billings (to Pierson). Congratulations, Mr. 
Pierson. I knew you would go to Chi Alpha, (shakes 
his hand.) 


41 


Miss Huston (to Pierson). I think the “Chi’s” 
should be very proud to have you. 

Pierson. Oh, thank you. I appreciate the honor. 

Clark. What’s on, girls? Any parties? 

Miss Billings. Yes, we have a little spread tomor¬ 
row night. 

Clark. Good! 

Miss Huston. Oh, it’s just for girls. The fellows 
are not included this time. 

(All laugh.) 

Clark. Lost out again. 

(Enter Pop with tray of soda for girls.) 

Welscii (to Pop). Say, don’t we get in on that? 

Pop. Sure you do. What are you drinking? 

Welsch. Same old thing. We never mix it. 

(Exit Pop.) 

Miss Billings (to Clark). Dennis tells me you 
initiate tonight. 

Clark. Yes, we lead Pierson through the Acropo¬ 
lis mysteries after the sun sinks. 

Miss Huston. Your initiations are positively 
cruel. You have my sympathy, Mr. Pierson. My 
brother had to remain in bed a week after he was 
initiated. 

Pierson. Oh, I think I will live through it. 

Clark. That just adds ten. 

Miss Billings. I suppose you still do the stunt of 
tying them to the railroad track. 

Gibson. No, that became too dangerous, and we 
now hang them over the stone-quarry and out of the 
third story window for most of the work. 

Pierson (aside). I can see my finish from here. 

Clark. The work in the river is very beautiful 

42 


and impressive, too; where we cleanse them of their 
sins. 

(Enter Pop from store with soda.) 

(Enter Paul Pesh from left. He sits at the table on 
the extreme right. Pop goes over to take his 
order.) 

Pop ( to Paul). Something? 

Paul. Have you five-cent dishes of ice cream soda 
water ? 

Pop. What’s the matter with you, bov? Do you 
think we are running a mush and milk joint. We use 
glasses here— we do. 

Paul. Oh! 

Welsch. Same old dope—a drop of cream and a 
bucket of suds. 

Clark. You should be ashamed to take money for 
this. 

( Pop places soda before Paul. ) 

Pop. It’s not my fault. You put my cow in the 
chapel. 

Welsch. Not us. We are too fond of you for 
that. 

Pop (aside). Yes they are. 

Clark. This milk tastes like chalk. 

Pop. Maybe it does taste a little queer, I had to use 
condensed milk this morning. 

Miss Billings. Making ice cream out of condensed 
milk! What do you think of that? 

Gibson. Here, give mine to the cat. 

(Pop removes glasses and goes over to Paul.) 

Pop (to Paul). Tastes all right to you, don't it? 

Paul. Just like regular ice cream. 

Pop. You are a gentleman, young man. 

(Exit Pop into store.) 

43 


(Enter Alexander from right , with college paper. 

They all rush towards him to see the first issue.) 

Miss Billings. Good, the “Collegian” is out. 

Miss Huston. Oh, let me see it, quick! 

Clark. Here you go, Alex. 

Welsch. One here, Will. 

(Alexander passes the papers around.) 

Miss Billings. Shoot, this is a regular foot ball 
number. Nothing in it but athletics. 

Gibson. What do you want? Hints on dress¬ 
making ? 

Alexander. You must remember, Miss Billings, 
that foot ball is the most popular topic on the campus 
at this time. ( Exit left.) 

Miss Huston ( reading paper). Say, girls, that new 
“Prof.” is married. 

Pierson. That will help some. One out of the 
way. 

Welsch. Say, Pierson, I told you not to “butt 
in.” We said the initiation would not begin until to¬ 
night, but if you keep on, your's will start right now. 

Miss Billings. Now, Dennis, Mr. Pierson is be¬ 
having beautifully. 

Miss Huston. For heaven’s sake, look what’s in 
this paper. Listen. (She reads). “Three sororities of 
the college are very indignant over the disregard of 
the Thetas for the contract entered into last fall. The 
young ladies agreed that they would not invite new 
students to join a sorority until they had been on the 
campus twenty-four hours. The Thetas, it is said, have 
failed to keep this agreement.” (To the others). Isn’t 
that terrible? There isn't a word of truth in it. 

Miss Billings. I’ll wager the Kappas are respon- 

44 * 


sible for this. I’ll ferret this thing out if it takes a 
year. 

Miss Huston. Of course the Kappas clicl it. Just 
wait until— 

Gibson. Cut it. Here comes the Phi Chi’s. 

(Enter from left Anthony, Hunt and Smythe zvith 
Williams, who wears a large bozo of black rib¬ 
bon.) 

Clark. Hello, fellows! Classes out? 

Anthony. We haven’t been to classes; too early 
in the term for that. 

Clark ( pointing to ribbon on Williams). Say, 
what’s that? 

Anthony. His badge of office. He is to be initi¬ 
ated tonight. 

Clark. We initiate tonight, too. There is one of 
our goats. ( pointing to Pierson.) 

Anthony. Let’s drink their health. What will you 
have, girls? 

Miss Billings. Thank you, Captain, we have just 
indulged. 

Anthony. But not to these condemned prisoners. 
Come, join us. ( Calls in the store.) Pop! Pop! Soda. 

(Enter Pop from store.) 

Pop. Yes, sir. What will it be? 

Welsch. What will it be? You have only lemon 
and vanilla. What’s the use in trying to run a bluff 
like that? 

Pop. I had strawberry this morning. 

Anthony. Well, Pop, start in on vanilla and when 
you run out, fiirsh up on lemon. 

Pop ( as : de). It’s a hard life. ( Exit into store.) 

Hunt. Say, people, I want to know who put poor 
old Pop’s cow in the chapel. 



Welsch (smiling). Why, is poor father's cow in 
the chapel ? Mercy ! 

(All laugh.) 

Hunt. They had to hold the exercises in Science 
hall. It’s certainly “a hard life” for Pop. The fac¬ 
ulty is furious about it. I suppose all of you heard 
the announcement this morning? 

Welsch. I didn’t. 

Clark. What announcement? 

Miss Billings. I couldn't make chapel in time. 

Hunt. Wasn’t anybody there. 

Welsch. Not a soul. 

(All laugh.) 

Hunt. It is a little early in the term to go. It was 
announced that cheer practice would be held tonight 
on the west campus, around the class seat. The com¬ 
mittee has a lot of new songs that we must learn for 
the game. Everybody should be there at 8 o’clock 
sharp. 

Welsch. We can’t have it tonight, fellows. It 
will interfere with our initiation. 

Anthony. No it wont. We are going to have 
ours after the cheer practice. It will be over by eight 
thirty. 

(Enter Pop from store with soda, which he places be¬ 
fore the students.) 

Miss Billings (to Miss Huston). Be on your guard, 
Ann, here come those Kappas. I'll wager we have a 
scene. 

(Enter Miss James, Miss Cravens and Miss Moore. 
They each haze a copy of the “Collegian,” and 
seem to be very indignant.) 

Welscit. Greetings, ladies. 

46 


Miss James (coldly). Sorry to have intruded upon 
this happy gathering, but we wish to see Miss Winter. 

Miss Winter. It’s quite useless, I assure you. I 
have accepted a proposition from these girls, and- 

Miss James. Miss Winter, we have heard of your 
decision, and it is quite as we expected. In fact, all 
is very plain to us since the appearance of the ‘‘Colle¬ 
gian," and we read of our betrayed confidence. 

Miss Billings. There isn’t a word of truth in this 
article. Its source is as much a mystery to us as it 
is to you. Now, listen, girls. I was the representa¬ 
tive who made the agreement with you and we have 
lived up to our contract to the letter. We rushed Miss 
Winter just as you have, and have won her squarely 
and honorably. She accepted our proposition accord¬ 
ing to the regulations of our agreement. 

Welsch. You really are mistaken. This article 
was written by some outsider for political purposes, 
alone. The Thetas had absolutely nothing to do with it. 
I see through the whole thing and could easily point out 
the author, but I have my opinion of the editor who 
would allow such a thing to be printed, when he knows 
there is not one iota of truth in the whole affair. I 
can't understand it, unless his object was for political 
purposes. 

Miss James. Political purposes? 

Welsch. Beyond a doubt. This paper is the stu¬ 
dents’ paper, and not a medium for the heralding of 
James Rudolph’s campaign, and I am going to see— 

Clark. Slm-o-o— 

(At the opening of Welsch’s last speech Rudolph and 
Pauline enter from left, walking very slowly. 
They cross to right. Pauline carries a large bou¬ 
quet of golden rod.) 


47 



Pauline (to Jim). What a delightful walk we 
have had in the country. It reminds me of the search 
we made this summer for wild roses and alder blooms. 
We are veritable Gypsies, always seeking the open 
country. 

Rudolph. Yes, and sometimes lose our way. But 
that is one of the pleasures of tramping. Today we 
were longer in finding the way back. Aren’t you tired? 

Pauline. Not in the least. By the way, we have 
cheer practice tonight. Are you going? 

Rudolph. I’m afraid not. Tonight is the regular 
meeting of the Scroll and Sword. I can’t miss that, 
you know. 

Pauline ( disappointed ) I’d forgotten that. 

Rudolph. O, but that isn’t until eight thirty. Can’t 
we have a little visit before the meeting? 

Pauline. But won’t you need the time to prepare 
for the meeting? 

Rudolph. Not if I can meet you at the class seat. 
May I? 

Pauline (shyly). Well, it’s on my way to song 
practice, you know. 

(They join the others in center. When Rudolph ap¬ 
proaches all of the fellows leave, and retire up 
the stage. Miss Billings and Miss Huston ad¬ 
vance to meet Pauline. The other girls about 
the table are very cordial to Rudolph.) 

Miss Billings. We have been wishing for you, 
Pauline. Where have you been ? 

Pauline. Oh, we have been far into the country. 
See the lovely golden rod I’ve gathered? (Seeing the 
paper on table). Oh! the “Collegian” is out. Why 
didn’t you tell me, Jim? 


48 


Rudolph. This is the first I’ve seen of it. I must 
be going over to the office and lend a hand. 

Miss Billings (to Rudolph ). Shall we walk 

through the campus with you? 

Rudolph. I should be delighted. 

(Exit Rudolph, Miss Day and Miss Billings, left.) 

Welscii. Gee, it’s getting late, Clark, let’s start 
the initiation now. 

Clark. Just as you say. 

Anthony. Go on, Dennis. 

Welsch. Bring forth Freshman Pierson. 

(Pierson is led out. The girls laugh.) 

Wei >scii . Young “Preside,” for I cannot as yet 
call you brother until you have passed through a series 
of tests, before you enter our temple it will be neces¬ 
sary for you to go on a long journey in search of a 
lost treasure. You are to take yourself down the rail¬ 
road track until you approach the second water tank, 
No. 4-11-44. There you will find a sacred rock. In¬ 
stinctively you will know the right one. Return with 
it to this spot. But remember, upon every third step 
you are to say these sacred words: “To hell with the 
Freshmen.” You may face the west. (Pierson faces 
left.) 

Welsch. Remember, the third step. 

All Fellows. The third step! 

Welscii. Forward, march! 

(Exit Pierson left, mumbling the given sentence on 
every third step. All of the students laugh heart¬ 
ily after he exits. The fellows follozu him out, 
and the girls sit at the tables.) 

Miss FIuston. Aren’t those fellows too mean? 

Miss James. Mr. Pierson seems to be such a nice 
fellow, too. 


49 






Miss Cravens. They really treat their men shame¬ 
fully. The other night at our dance they only allowed 
each candidate two dances and made them go home 
at nine o’clock. 

Miss Huston. Wasn't that cruel. But say, girls, 
did the fellows pay much attention to the new French 
instructor at your dance ? 

Miss James. Did they? You should have seen 
them.. It was really disgusting. Do you know that 
nearly every fellow in college is in her classes? 

Miss Cravens. Sometimes she sat out dances with 
eight or ten fellows, and we were converted bodily 
into wall flowers. 

Miss Huston. We met the same fate at our dance. 

Miss James. The next one we have we are going 
to invite Secretary Bovden. He is just crazy about 
her and of course will recpiire some of her attention. 
Then, maybe we can get a few dances. 

Miss Cravens. Say, girls, that gives me an idea. 
Why can’t we work up some sort of a case between 
Miss Miller and the Secretary? 

Miss Moore. That’s a capital idea. But how can 
we do it ? 

Miss Cravens. Well, lie’s just crazy about her. 
We can throw them together as much as possible and 
tell her all the nice things he says about her. Then 
his quarter of a million will help a lot, especially with 
such a vain creature. 

Miss Huston. Let’s do it. 

Miss James. It's a go. 

(Enter Clark. Welsch, Gibson, Anthony, Hunt, 
Smythe and Williams from the left .) 

Miss Cravens. Where is the candidate? 


50 




Welsch. Beating it down the railroad track. 
(Enter Rufus Boyoen and Miss Miller from right.) 
(When Miss Miller appears the fellows all rush 
back to meet her and usher her dozen to the center 
of the stage, leaving Mr. Boyden to talk to the 
group of girls at right.) 

W elsch. Things have been awfully tame this af¬ 
ternoon. We are so glad you have come. 

Miss Miller. Really. 

W elsch. Everyone is so absorbed in their own 
interest just now, I fear you have found Beechdale a 
little dull. 

Miss Miller. By no means. 1 have been getting 
mv bearings. I've located the postoffice; have made 
Pop Turner's acquaintance; then I have been taken 
from one end of the town to the other about three 
times. Personally conducted tours. (All laugh.) 

Welsch. We are afraid you will get home-sick 
and fly away. 

Miss Miller. Impossible, with such a jolly lot. 
How could I ? 

Welsch. Miss Miller, how are we getting on in 
French ? 

Miss Miller. Admirably. The men are really do- 
ing better than the young ladies. (She casts a glance 
at girls at right.) Of course you are not ready to act 
as a French guide, but your work, Mr. Welsch, when 
you are there, is satisfactory. 

(All laugh.) 

Clark. Could you give me my standing for the 
week. Pm prepared for the worst. 

Miss Miller. As a friend, I should rather tell 
you privately. 


5i 






Clark. It’s all right, these fellows are my friends. 

Miss Miller. Your pronunciation needs attention. 
{They laugh.) 

Clark. I’ll stay in after class and practice up. 

Miss Miller. You will be all right. 

Anthony. You fellows will not be so joyous when 
you hit the irregular verbs. 

Hunt. How do you know ? 

Anthony. I’ve been in that class for three straight 
years. ( All laugh.) 

Hunt (to Miss Miller). 1 hope you are going to the 
dance Tuesday night. 

Miss Miller. Yes, Mr. Carlton was good enough 
to ask me. 

Smythe. Would it be presuming to ask you for 
the second dance? 

Welscit. Listen to the nerve of it, would you? 

Miss Miller. Now that’s all right. I aways make 
out a programme before the dance. 

Welsch. Well, that’s different. I guess we can all 
get in on that. 

Miss Miller ( taking out note-book and pencil). 
Just make me out a programme. Save a few for Carl¬ 
ton. 

(They busy themselves making out the programme.) 

Miss Billings (to Mr. Boyden). Miss Miller is 
quite popular. 

Boyden. Yes, yes, and it is most gratifying to me. 
I was afraid she would find our conventional ways a 
little irksome, as most of her life was spent in wide¬ 
awake New England. 

Miss Huston. I think Miss Miller has a special 
fondness for your society, Mr. Boyden. 


52 



Boyden. Really? No doubt it is because of mv 
friendship for her father. 

Miss James. It’s because of her real liking for 
you. She finds these students amusing, but you are 
the one who really interests her. 

Boyden (puffing up a bit). Why, ladies, you as¬ 
tonish me. You forget that I am old enough to be her 
father. 

Miss Cravens. One would never believe it, be¬ 
sides she doesn't think so. 

Boyden. Well, I have held my age pretty well, to 
be sure. But ladies, what makes you think that Miss 
Miller cares or rather thinks— 

Miss Huston. Now, we are not going to tell you 
all we know. But I will tell you this much. I heard 
her say that she thought you were awfully distinguished 
looking, and that there was a quality in your nature 
that few men possessed. 

Boyden. My dear young ladies, this is interesting, 
most interesting, indeed. 

Miss James. Mr. Boyden, we really feel that fate 
intends you two for each other, and I would suggest, 
that is, if you cared to, to- 

Boyden {anxiously ). Yes, yes, go on. 

Miss James. I would suggest that you get more 
into the spirit of the college life. You should dress 
younger—more like the boys on the campus. 

Miss Huston. And attend all of the college func¬ 
tions, such as dinners, dances and trolley rides, and go 
to all of the games. 

Boyden. But I don’t dance. 

Miss Cravens. We would be only too glad to teach 
you—won’t we girls? 


53 



All. Oh, sure! 

Boyden. Then I'll learn to dance. It is really a val¬ 
uable exercise. 

Miss Cravens. Oh, yes, and Miss Miller said she 
loved to hear you talk, because she learned more from 
you in five minutes than anyone she ever knew. 

Boyden. Oh, mercy! Young ladies, you overwhelm 
me. 

Miss James. Pay her the most marked attention. 
No doubt she will be a little shy at first, but with per¬ 
severance you will reach the goal. 

Boyden. Do you know I never realized until now 
what an admirable lot of girls we have at Beecham. 
Come, let us have some refreshments. (Calls in the 
store.) Mr. Turner, Mr. Turner! 

(Pop appears at the door; he advances.) 

Pop. I know it, Mr. Secretary. She's in the chapel. 
Boyden. Never mind your cow. Bring us some¬ 
thing with which to refresh ourselves. 

Pop. What will it be ? 

Boyden. Whatever the ladies desire. Won’t you 
people join us? 

Pop. And your order is-? 

Boyden. Ale ? Oh, I shall drink nectar. 

(Exit Pop into store.) 

(The girls shake hands with each other in a satisfied 
manner; Mr. Boyden’s manner is jubilant, and 
Miss Miller looks on in astonishment.) 

Welsch (aside to Clark). What's the matter with 
that old guy? 

(They seat themselves about the table , Miss Miller 
and Mr. Boyden at the center with the fellows 
crowding about AIiss Miller. Mr. Boyden mo¬ 
nopolizes all of her attention.) 

54 



Clark (to Anthony). We want to shake old Father 
Secretary directly. 

Welsch (to Miss Miller). Have you seen the new 
library ? 

Boyden ( before Miss Miller can answer). Not yet, 
hut we are going over after awhile. (To Miss Miller). 
As I was just saying, it seems but a short time since I 
was a student at Beecham. Well, in reality, it hasn’t 
been so very long. 

Anthony (to Miss Miller). You are going to cheer 
practice tonight, I hope. 

Boyden (before Miss Miller can answer). Oh, yes, 
1 should say we are. Couldn’t miss that. (To Miss 
Miller). Then tomorrow night we can drive to the 
farm and have a regular country dinner, with chicken. 

Hiss Miller. How perfectly delightful that will 
be. (They laugh.) 

(The fellows look bored , but the girls are enjoying it 
immensely. Pop brings in the soda.) 

Anthony (aside to fellozes). I don’t understand 
this “butt in” business at all. 

Welsch. Looks as if we are only the extra tires. 

Clark. I need my French credits, and if “jollying” 
gets you anything, I'll have them. Make another stab. 
Bill. 

Boyden (to Miss Miller). This old painting is of 
great antiquity, and has only recently been added to 
the treasures of the— 

Anthony (to Miss Miller). The team will soon be 
practicing on the field. Wouldn’t you like to see the 
’varsity run through the signals? 

Boyden (before Miss Miller can answer). We 
should be delighted. A good suggestion. Let us go 
at once. Thank you. 


55 


(Miss Miller and Mr. Boyden exit right, talking 
earnestly to each other. The fellows fall back 
as if stunned. The girls laugh and exit into the 

boarding house at right.) 

Miss Billings (to girls). It’s a go. 

Pop. Old Seventy-six walked off with your gal, 
didn’t he ? 

Welsch. It’s not my funeral. 

Clark. Gibson, have everything ready for the 
initiation tonight. 

Gibson. That's right; I'll go down to the hall now. 

(Exit right.) 

Anthony. Smythe, you had better line up our 
gang. Put the candidates into the chamber of medita¬ 
tion until we are ready for them. Take Williams along 
with you. We w 3 nt to start the initiation as soon after 
song practice as possible. 

(Exit Smythe and Williams right. Welsch with 
Clark, Anthony and Hunt, gather about the 
center table.) 

Welsch. I don't know whether you fellows realize 
it or not, but I’ll tell you the dead truth ; this election 
is lost if somebody don’t do something and do it quick. 
If it comes to an open fight Rudolph will win, hands 
down. 

Clark. You always get scared early in the game. 
I can't see how we can lose when we’ll have the solid 
vote of the fraternities. 

Welsch. 1 hat’s the trouble. We have felt so sure 
of our ground that we have stood still, while the Scroll 
and Sword have been working night and day. 

Anthony. I think we are still on top, Dennis. 

Welsch. Look here, fellows, I have sounded a 


56 


number of “Barbs/ ; I don’t mean members of the 
Scroll and Sword, and every last one of them is for 
Rudolph. Now, you will admit that in order to win 
we must pull some of the “Barb” vote. We can’t do 
it as it is. There is only one way left for us, and that 
is to gain the aid of the Athletic Association. 

Hunt. I don’t follow you. 

Welsch. I mean simply this: We will have to 
have this election tonight, while the Scroll and Sword 
are holding their regular meeting. 

Anthony. Election tonight? 

Welsch. That’s it. Hunt, you, as President of 
the Athletic Association, can call a meeting at any 
time you see fit. This is an athletic association election. 
Now, do you follow me? 

Hunt. Yes, but— 

Welsch. It's our only move. My plan is to turn 
the song practice into an athletic association meeting, 
and elect Clark in the absence of the other crowd. 

Clark. Fellows. I don’t propose to be elected that 
way. 

Welsch. All right! Stick it out and let everybody 
laugh at your defeat. This isn’t my first election at 
this college. 

Hunt. I can call the meeting all right, but it’s like 
striking a blow in the back. 

Welsch. I have thought it out, up one side and 
down the other, and this is the only way I see; that is, 
if we want to win. 

Clark. 1 am not very strong for this plan. 

Welsch. You said in the beginning that you would 
turn this over to me. Now, if you do as I sav, we can 
elect you. 


57 


Anthony. Do you suppose the student body would 
accept an election like this? 

Welsch. What else can they do? 

Hunt. It's a little irregular, but I believe, fellows, 
it’s our only move. 

Welsch. Sure it is. Our very existence as an in¬ 
fluence in student politics is at stake. 

Anthony. I believe you are right, Dennis. 

Welsch. I have paid a number of Freshmen’s en¬ 
trance fees into the Athletic Association, and they have 
promised to vote for Clark. 

Clark. Buying votes, eh ? 

Welsch. Not exactly ; but you can't always count 
on these fellows; therefore I think the best move is to 
hold the election tonight, while the “Barbs” are away. 
I don't want you fellows to think that 1 have taken 
too much on niv shoulders. I only offer this as a sug¬ 
gestion, and you can do as you please with it. 

Anthony. 1 am in favor of it. 

Hunt. So am 1. 

Welsch. And you, Clark? 

Clark. If we fail, 1 am the one that will be cen¬ 
sured. 

Welsch. There will be no failure. 

Clark. Very well. I’ll do it. 

Welsch. Good. (They all shake hands.) 

Clark (rising). Well, fellows, let’s get busy. My 
room is a good place to plan the business for tonight. 
Dennis, will you go with us? 

Welsch. I'll be over directly. 

(Exit Hunt, Anthony and Clark, right) 
(Enter Pop from store.) 

Pop. (aside). There's my man. (Exit into store.) 


58 


V\ elsch. ( looking otcv a letter, which he afterwards 
seals). If this heart-stirring- appeal don’t wring a 
check from my father, I am doomed to poverty for 
another month. I’ve spent my whole allowance on this 
election. 

( Re-enter Pop from store with soda, which he places 
before Welsch.) 

Pop. There, drink that and you'll feel better. 

Welsch. Oh, thank you, Pop. Why all this free 
goods ? 

Pop. I want to talk to you. I've been trying to 
see you ever since college opened. 

Welsch (aside). I knew I couldn't be here long 
without running into a creditor. 

Pop. You know you left last year without settling 
for your board, laundry and those dowers for com¬ 
mencement week. 

Welsch. Didn’t I send you a check this summer? 

Pop. Not much. You didn't even answer my let¬ 
ter. I have turned over a new leaf. No more credit 
goes—I want the money. 

Welsch. I don’t blame you. I really admire a 
man who runs business on a strictly cash basis. You 
shall have my money in a few days. Just as soon as 
I hear from father. 

Pop. You will have to look up another boarding¬ 
house, for I’ll not trust you for another meal. 

Welsch. After I have been with you for three 
years, Pop, you are not going to turn me down ? 
Friendship is too sacred a thing to be lightly treated. 
I’ll settle up in a few days. Can’t you wait? 

Pop. All I have to say, young man, is that you 
can’t have another meal at my house until you pay up. 
(Exit Pop into store.) 


59 


Welsch. Now, look here. Pop, you know I have 
to eat, and if you will only— (Exit Dennis into store.) 
(Enter Miss Billings and Pauline Day from left. 

Pauline has a copy of the “Collegian,") 

Pauline. Mary, you can never make me believe 
that James Rudolph had anything' to do with the writ¬ 
ing of this article. 

Miss Billings. Pauline, dear, I am awfully sorry. 
I wouldn’t do anything to make you unhappy for the 
world. Pm only telling .you what I have heard the 
students say about him. I feel that it is my duty to do 
so. You know that Jim is heart and soul in this elec¬ 
tion and his object in exposing us in the paper was to 
cause dissension among the fraternity people and thus 
break up our solid vote. 

Pauline. I tell you, Mary, Jim does not care a 
thing about the fraternities. It’s different with him. 
He’s a serious student. He places the college first, 
then his society. I can't believe that he would do a 
thing so unscrupulous, for he is the soul of honor. 

Miss Billings. I don’t believe it, Pauline. Jim 
Rudolph does not care one thing for you. He is only 
cultivating your friendship to gain vour influence in 
this election. He will humiliate you before- 

Pauline. Stop! Mary, you have gone far enough. 
Never speak to me of this again. Never! (She weeps.) 

Miss Billings. Oh, forgive me, Pauline. (She 
presses her hand and exits right.) 

(Enter Alexander and Rudolph from left.) 

Pauline (rushing to Rudolph). I am so glad you 
came, Jim. Tell me the truth about this article. They 
are saying such terrible things about it, and you. T am 

so unhappy. (Anxiously) Jim?- 

(Rudolph turns away.) 

60 




Alexander. I will tell you, Pauline, who is the 
author of- 

{Jim places his hand over Alexanders mouth.) 

Rudolph. Not a word until after election day. 

Pauline. I see, I see. It is as Mary said! Oh, 
how could you be so unprincipled? 

Rudolph. Pauline, I- 

(Pauline holds up her hand to silence him.) 

Pauline. There is no need of further words, but 
I never would have believed it of you. {She buries her 
face in her hands and hurries out at right.) 

Alexander. Why didn’t you let me tell her?. It is 
all my fault. Clark told me the story and, not realizing 
its significance, I placed it in the paper. 

Rudolph. It is better for them to believe that I 
wrote it than to drag you into it. Then they would 
say I had you do it. It’s an unfortunate thing all 
around. 

Alexander. Jim, I have made a terrible blunder. 
I must straighten it out. 

Rudolph. You are my best friend, and I trust you. 
I knew Clark was at the bottom of this business with¬ 
out you telling me. Well, if they can win the election 
by such tactics, they will have to do it. I have done 
all I am going to do. 

Alexander. But Pauline?- 

Rudolppi. That’s the rub—but she will know some 
day, I hope. Everything could have failed if Pauline 
had only believed in me. {They exit slozvly at right. 
Alexander places his arm about Rudolph.) 

{The evening shadows fall over the scene and lights 
appear in the buildings.) 


61 






(Williams enters from left and crouches in the shad- 
ozvs. He is dressed in an initiation costume of ridic¬ 
ulous type , and is bound about the body with 
ropes. He approaches the boarding house and 
gives a peculiar whistle, then retires to the shad¬ 
ow of the store at left. In answer to the whistle, 
Miss Cravens appears at the door of the board¬ 
ing house and hurries dozen the steps, looking 
cautiously about.) 

Williams (softly). It is I, sweetheart; I have 
come to say good-bye. 

Miss Cravens. Oh, Worth ! 

(They fall into each others arms.) 

Williams. If I am seen here it means almost death. 
I was tied to a tree on the campus to await my initia¬ 
tion into this fraternity, but I could not go on with¬ 
out seeing you, so I took this chance and escaped. 

Miss Cravens. They shall not take you from me. 
(She places her arms about him.) 

Williams. Be brave, little one. 

Miss Cravens. Worth, I had a terrible dream 
last night. I saw you upon the rack undergoing the 
tortures of your initiation. The blood-thirsty crowd 
surrounded you and laughed at your agony. Worth, 
dear, you shall not submit to this terrible punishment. 

Williams. Where duty calls I must obey. Why 
did I come here to tell you good-bye? It would have 
been far, far better had I suffered alone. But, Helen, 
dear, I want you to promise me that if I am crippled 
you won't dance with anyone else tomorrow night. 

Miss Cravens. I promise, dear love. 

(A noise is heard off at left.) 


6 2 


Williams (aside). They are after me. I must be 
brave for her sake. (To Aliss Cravens). Good-bye, 
my love. Don’t worry. (He exits hurriedly at left.) 
(Miss Cravens, weeping, goes back into boarding 
house. Enter Welsch from store.) 

Welsch (disgustedly). You couldn’t find a grain 
of pity in that old guy’s system with a search warrant. 
I guess this is where I quit eating. 

(Enter Clark and Gibson with other members of the 
Chi Alpha fraternity.) 

Clark. Why didn’t you come down to the house, 
Dennis, and get ready for dinner ? 

Welsch. Dinner? Not me. 

Clark. Why not ? 

Welsch. Pop gave me otders to keep my feet from 
under his table until I paid up. Say, have you fellows 
any extra money? 

First Clii Alpha. I am broke. 

Second Chi Alpha. Here, too. 

Gibson. You’re welcome to my money, Dennis. 

Clark. You can borrow of me. 

Welsch. How much have you got? 

Gibson. Take my pile. (Gives him money.) 

Clark. Here’s mine. (Giecs him money.) 

Welsch. A dollar seventy-six cents. Aren’t you 
fellows afraid to carry a roll like this? Here, take back 
your gold. I owe Pop thirty-six dollars. 

Clark. Maybe we can fix him. (Calls in the store.) 
Pop! Oh, Pop! To the front! 

(Enter Pop from Store.) 

Clark. Is this straight about Dennis? 

Pop. No more credit—that’s it. 


63 


Clark ( turning to fellows). bellows, shall we stand 
for a brother in the Chi Alpha receiving such treat¬ 
ment ? 

All. Certainly not. 

Clark. When you injure one, you injure all. We 
don’t have to patronize you for everything in this town. 
Let me have my laundry. I'll send it away. 

First Chi Alpha. Mine, too. 

Second Chi Alpha. Give me mine, Bill’s and 
Tony Johnson’s, too. 

Gibson. Give me the rest of our bunch. 

(Pop hands over the counter great packages of laun¬ 
dry. Some of it is tied up in newspapers, and 
some is loose. They carry the bundles and with 
Welsch exit at right.) 

Pop. Boycotted again. There goes my laundry 
business all to smash. It’s a mighty hard life I’m a- 
leadin’. 

{Enter Paul Pesh from left.) 

Pesh. Have you souvenir post cards? 

Pop. You bet. Take your pick. ( Spreads out 
cards .) 

Pop. Say, how is your rna getting along with her 
boarders ? 

Pesh. Boarders? We haven’t any; they all cpiit. 
I quit, too. 

Pop. Well, that’s strange. No business? 

Pesh. No, sir. Say, Mr. Turner, you couldn’t use 
me in your store, could you ? 

Pop. I thought you entered the law school. 

Pesh. I entered, but after a week, I saw law was 
not for me, so I quit. I have been taking a correspon¬ 
dence course in the Central States Correspondence 


64 


College of Tailoring for six months, and I want to 
make enough money to finish up and pay for my di¬ 
ploma. 

Pop. Can you make clothes ? 

Pesh. Make anything. You just wait until I get 
a little start and I’ll show you. 

Pop. Say, Pesh, I'll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll take 
the coal out of one of my business rooms, and let you 
set up a little shop. You can press clothes for a 
starter. Then, if you will keep store while I am in 
the boarding house, Til give you your board, this 
room, and pay you two dollars a week. How’s that 
for charity? 

Pesh. I’ll do it. When do I go on the job? 

Pop. Now, if you are ready. 

Pesh. Show me my nail. ( Takes off coat.) 

Pop. By the window. Now, here is the flavoring, 
and anything you don’t see, hunt it up. I'll be back 
directly. ( Exit Pop into boarding house.) 

Pesh. I’ll show these students how to make clothes 
when I get started up. Nice old man, this Pop. I 
guess I’ll make myself a soda. ( Turns around to make 
soda, and Welsch enters from right until arm-load 
of books.) 

Welsch. Hello there, son. You working here? 

Pesh. Just started. 

Welsch. Tell Pop I want to see him. 

(Exit Pesh into boarding house. Enter Pop from 
boarding house.) 

Welsch (aside). Just bought these books this week, 
and now I have to sell them. 

Pop. Some books for me? 

65 


1 


Welsch. Yes, I have a few duplicates that T want 
to get out of the wav. 

Pop. Text books or story? 

Welsch. Both. I have one hrench book. 

Pop. I have about closed out the second-hand book 
business, but if you have story books, I’ll take them. 
Sell lots of story books to the town people in the sum¬ 
mer. But no French books for me. 

Welsch. And why not? 

Pop. Well, I’ll tell you. You know the little church 
on the hill has a library for the Sunday school, and 
every year they buy six new books for the library. 
Last year I got the contract and sold them some 
mighty pretty ones—two red and three green ones. 
One was the “First Battle,” by Brvan. There were 
several Democrats in the Sunday school that knew 
Bryan, but hadn’t read his book. Then there was one 
“Ohio Missionaries in America’s New Possessions,” 
and “The Progress of the Panama Canal, or the Con¬ 
quest of Yellow Fever,” all good books. They liked 
these and “The Tale of the Lonesome Swine,” but I 
put in a French book that a drummer had given me 
at the station, and the whole church come onto me. I 
couldn’t read the French, but the pictures were fine 
(chuckles to himself). So don't unload any French 
ones. 

Welsch. These books are all right. They won’t 
get you into trouble. I wouldn’t sell them, but I need 
a new tire for my automobile. 

Pop. Then you don’t want them credited on your 
account ? 

Welsch. No, cash in hand. 

Pop. Let’s see what you have. 

66 


Welsch. Here is a good seller—“Ten Years in the 
Chorus, or Life on the Stage.” This one is a new 
economic book, “Down with the Tariff.” Here are 
some used in college, “Lives of the Lake Poets,” “In- 
vertralate Morphology,” “A Pony for Livy, One for 
Ovid,” “Psychology for Beginners,” and a German 
grammar. 

Pop. Now, Dennis, if I was buying these for my¬ 
self, it would be all right, but you see, I have to please 
the public. 

Welsch. You can sell every one. What will you 
give ? 

Pop (counting to himself). Eighty, ninety, dollar. 
(To Welsch). Pll give you a dollar and thirty cents. 

Welsch. For which one? 

Pop. Which one? The whole pile. 

(Welsch falls backward as if struck. Miss Billings 
enters from right.) 

Welsch (aside). Gee! My girl mustn't get on to 
this. (To Miss Billings). Hello Mary, I was just ad¬ 
miring some of Pop’s new books. 

Miss Billings. New books? Oh, let’s see them. 

Welsch (stopping her). They are not at all in¬ 
teresting. Come on, Mary, let’s have a look at the ob¬ 
servatory. 

Miss Billings. It’s almost dinner time. 

Pop. Say, Dennis, if you want to sell me these 
books, you want to get busy. 

(Dennis falls into a chair, dejected.) 

Miss Billings (laughing). Selling new books. 
This is rich, and school has just opened. (Exits into 
boarding house.) 


67 


(Enter Clark and Gibson with other members of the 
Chi Alpha fraternity. They haze three candi¬ 
dates dressed ready for initiation, bound with 
ropes. The members of the fraternity each carry 
a barrel stave and enter with a great deal of noise, 
yelling at the candidates to “Step high! Step 
high!”) 

Clark (to Gibson). Hitch the candidates out be¬ 
hind the house while we eat. 

(The candidates are led out.) 

Clark (to Welsch). Cheer up, Dennis. Big do¬ 
ings tonight. 

Welsch. Yes, I’ll feel great, working on an empty 
stomach. 

(A voice is heard in the distance. They all listen and 
look off left. It is Pierson returning, and on 
every third step he says, “To hell with the Fresh¬ 
men.” The sound grows louder and louder, and 
at last he appears, carrying a rock, and falls ex¬ 
hausted into a chair.) 

(They all laugh.) 

Welsch (to Pierson). Young man, for I can not 
as yet call you brother, it becomes my painful duty to 
tell you that you have returned with the wrong rock. 

(Pierson let's the rock roll out of his lap.) 

Welsch. You will be given the opportunity of 
making a second pilgrimage to the holy shrine, near 
the water tower. You will face the west. (Pierson 
gets up and faces left.) Forward, march! 

(Pierson goes off as before, mumbling the same ex¬ 
pression.) 

Clark. I believe he'll make a good member; he’s 
game, all right. 


68 


Welsch (to Gibson). Is everything ready for to¬ 
night ? 

Gibson. Everything but the red fire. 

Clark. We can’t give the work without the red 
fire. 

(Pop appears on porch at store.) 

Gibson. Get it here, of Pop. 

Clark. That’s so. (to Pop). Give us about two 
dozen cans of red fire. 

Pop. Go where you get your laundering done for 
your red fire. Don’t come to me for accommodations. 

Clark (surprised). Accommodations? We pay for 
everything we get at this joint. Here, hand over the 
goods. 

Pop. Not me. (Exits into store.) 

Clark (to members of Chi Alpha). Holy Moses, 
there's one way to fix him. Come on, fellows. 

(They exit right , leaving Welsch sitting at center 
table.) 

Welsch. I don't have much to do tonight. Take 
my girl for a walk, show up at cheer practice, pull off 
an election, initiate four goats into the fraternity, write 
an English paper and read a book. All on an empty 
stomach. 

(Re-enter Clark and Gibson with other members of 
Chi Alpha. They have great packages of laundry, 
which they return to Pop. 

Clark (calling in store). Oh, Pop! Your boys 
have returned. 

(Pop appears.) 

Pop (happy). Sure enough, here’s my boys. Are 
von in a hurry for this laundry? 

Clark. Not at all. Take your own time. 


69 


Pop. I believe you said you wanted red fire. 
Gibson. That's it. 

Pop. Have all you want. (Places boxes before 
them.) 

(Paul Pesh appears on porch of boarding house and 
rings large dinner bell. There is confusion and 
students rush from all directions into boarding 
house .) 

Gibson (to Welsch). Sorry you can't join us, old 
man. Good-bye. (Exits into boarding house.) 
Clark. I’ll slip you some fruit. So long, Dennis. 
Welscpi (sitting at table). Oh, I am not hungry. 

(Clark exits with others into boarding house.) 
Welsch. I wonder what they are doing at home 
tonight. There's a big steaming dinner on the table. 
I'll bet, and here I am out in the cold. 

(Anthony appears at door of boarding house, with 
napkin in one hand and a biscuit in the other.) 
Anthony. Look there, Dennis, real biscuits to¬ 
night. (Laughs, exits.) 

(Welsch pays no attention. Clark and Gibson ap¬ 
pear with napkins at the door of boarding house.) 
Clark. Gravy and chicken and ice cream tonight. 
Come, have something, Dennis. {Laughs.) 

Welsch. Cut it out. 

(Exit Clark and Gibson into house. Enter Mrs. 
New from left.) 

Mrs. New. Good evening, young man. 

Welsch (arising). Good evening, Mrs. New. 

Mrs. New. Can you tell me what time I can get a 
train out of this town in the morning? I am going 
home. 

Welsch. Surely not! What will become of your 
boarders ? 


7 o 


Mrs. New. Boarders? I haven’t had any for three 
days. I am so lonesome. You know we don’t take 
any newspapers. I got all of the news from the board¬ 
ers. I just came here to be near my son in the law 
school, but now he has given that up and is going into 
the tailoring business. So, I guess I’ll go home. 

Welsch. I was just thinking about coming to 
board with you. You say all of the boarders have 
gone ? 

Mrs. New. Yes, but it wasn’t because they didn’t 
like the food, for 1 set a fine table. A little sickness 
scared them out. 

Welsch. Sickness? 

Mrs. New. Yes, a little girl next door has had the 
diphtheria for some time. She is over it now, and 
the board of health promised to take the card down 
yesterday, but they didn’t, and then all of my boarders 
left. 

Welsch (thinking). You say the card is still up? 

Mrs. New. Nailed right on the door. 

Welsch. Well, Mrs. New, if I get up a club of 
students to board with you, would you stay? 

Mrs. New. You bet I would, and I’d give you 
your board free besides. 

Welsch. You wait a couple of days, and maybe I 
can arrange matters. 

(Enter Paul Pesh from store.) 

Paul (to Mrs. New). Something, madam? 

Mrs. New. Wouldn’t that kill you—but law, you 
can’t get mad at that child. (To Paul). Paully, what 
are you doing here? 

Paul. W orking. 


7i 


Mrs. New. Washing soda glasses. Well, (to 
IVelsch) a body never knows what they are raising 
their children for. I was so ambitious to make a lawyer 
out of him, and have him speak around over the county 
campaign years. Now he is tending bar at a soda foun¬ 
tain. (To Paul). What would your poor father say? 
(She zveeps.) 

Paul. Which one ? The father which art in heaven, 
or the one you drove from home? 

Mrs. New (lunges at Paul and drives him into the 
hoarding house.) Out of my sight, you ungrateful 
child. (Exit Paul.) Now, if my son had only been 
like you. When can I expect you, Mr. Welsch? 

Welsch. Maybe tonight. 

Mrs. New. Oh, mercy! I must go right home and 
get the ironing out of the way. Here are some of my 
business cards. (She gives him cards.) How can T 
ever repay you, Mr. Welsch? I will look for you 
soon. Good-bye. 

Welsch. Good-bye and good luck. 

(Exit Mrs. New, left. Welsch moves over and sits 
at table.) 

Welsch (meditating). Where can I get some 
boarders? Pll dig 'em up some place. 

(From afar the foot-steps of Pierson are heard re¬ 
turning from his pilgrimage. On ever\i third 
step he repeats the words he zms ordered to say. 
Welsch listens. In a moment Pierson appears 
from left until a large rock. He is exhausted 
and falls into a chair.) 

Welsch. The right rock! 

Pierson. Thank heavens! 

Welsch (aside). Here is my man. (To Pierson). 
Come here, Mabel. 


72 


(Welsch whispers something in his ear, gives him 
hoarding house card and sends him out at left.) 

Welsch. I either stand or fall tonight. With 
starvation staring me in the face I’d take a chance on 
anything. I guess I’ll advertise a bit. (He places the • 
cards left by Mrs. New in conspicuous places.) I 
wonder what Mother New will give us for breakfast. 
She is a good old soul. I am really doing a charitable 
act in placing this boarding house back on the map. 
(Enter Pierson from left with a large yellow card 
under his arm. He carries the card with the 
printed side next to his body and gives it to 
Welsch.) 

Welsch. Pierson, whatever happens in the future, 

I want you to remember that I am your friend. You 
have rescued a perishing soul. Here, take these cards 
and stand over there and give one to everybody that 
passes. 

(hPELSCH takes the large yellow card emblazoned with 
the word “Diphtheria ” in large type, and nails it 
to the veranda. He steps to the door and gives 
his fraternity whistle. Three or four of his 
brothers, with napkins still in their hands, rush 
to the door.) 

Welsch. Tell Mary to come here, will you, please? 

(Students exit.) 

(Mary appears rather excited.) 

Mary. Well? 

Welsch. Mary, can you stand a shock? 

Mary. Dennis, you are ill! 

Welsch. Oh, no. Now, if you won't scream, I’ll 
tell you something. It’s terrible, I know, but Mary, 
if you love me, now is your chance to show it. Not 


73 


for me alone do 1 plead, but for the poor exposed souls 
housed in that ill-fated building. 

Mary {greatly excited). Dennis! Dennis! Don't 
keep me in suspense; tell me what you mean, or 1 shall 
faint. 

Welsch {anxiously) . Listen, Mary, the hoard of 
health has just been here and they say that Pop has 
the diphtheria, and they are going to quarantine the 
house. Look at the card. Go in and warn everybody 
quick, upstairs and down, before the officers shut them 
up. Fly, Mary, fly! 

(Mary rushes into house.) 

( There is great confusion in the boarding house. From 
the upstairs window, books, clothes, golf clubs, and 
everything is thrown out. In a moment the stu¬ 
dents, carrying their belongings, fall over each 
other in their mad rush to get out. As they pass , 
Pierson gives them cards and Welsch shows 
them the way to the new boarding house. Paul 
Pesh enters from right with large basket of gro¬ 
ceries. Dennis takes him by the arm and sends 
him out with the others at left.) 

Welsch {to Paul Pesh). Home is the place for 
you, young man. {With a satisfied air). Mother, will 
you please pass the prunes ? 


CURTAIN. 




ACT III. 


(Scene i. The scene is on the campus, on the evening 
of the same day. At the right is a large circular 
stone seat, and at the hack is a summer house, with 
vines running about. Beneath the great forest 
trees which form a canopy overhead, a few scats 
are scattered. The moon casts a silvery glow 
through the trees. Couples are strolling about.) 
(Enter Mrs. New and Welsch from right.) 

Welsch. You know, Mrs. New, all I had to do 
with this was to get the boarders to you. The prob¬ 
lem of caring for them belongs to you. 

Mrs. New. But I never dreamed that you would 
send an army for me to feed. In the first place, my 
house isn’t large enough, and then I haven’t enough 
dishes or silverware. How on earth did you get so 
many ? 

Welsch. Well, I got them, all right. Now, it’s 
up to you to feed them. Surely you wouldn’t have 
them move again tonight. 

Mrs. New. I’ll just have to tell some of them to 
go. I can’t take care of so many, and that ends it. 

Welsch ( looking off at right). We mustn’t be 
seen together. Pop Turner is coming through the 
campus. We’ll find a way to adjust matters, Mrs. 
New. Just wait around for a while. 

(They exit left.) 

(Enter Pop from right. He wears a large tin star on 
his coat. He is greatly excited and pounds the 


75 


ground with his cane as he walks. In his hand 
he carries a number of warrants .) 

Por. I tried to treat ’em right and this is my re¬ 
ward. Put out of business. I’ve got a warrant for 
nearly every fellow on the campus, and I am going to 
fill up the jail and let ’em board off of the county for 
a while. 

(Enter Hunt and Clark from left.) 

Pop. Hold up there. ( Approaches the boys and 
reads from a warrant.) “The State of Indiana, Beech- 
dale County, ss: To any constable of said county: 
You are hereby commanded to arrest Harrison Clark, 
Dennis Welsch, William Anthony, Norman Hunt, et 
ah, and bring them forthwith before me, at my office, 
to answer the charge of having, at said county, on or 
about the second day of October, 1909, tampered with 
a card posted on a residence in University Avenue, 
by the County Board of Health, as Ananias Turner 
has complained on oath, and have you then and there 
this writ. Hiram Smith, Justice of Peace.” (To 
boys). Guess that does its own talking, don't it? 

Clark. Pop, you’ve broken out in a new place. 
I don’t know what you’re driving at. 

Por. Not on your life. I’ve got the drop on your 
whole crowd. I his thing of being pestered by you 
students is played out. 

Hunt. Pinched! By Jacks! 

Clark. Just you wait, Pop Turner- 

(Pop leads them off at right. Enter Pauline Day 
from left. She goes over to class seat.) 

Pauline (looking anxiously about). How perfect¬ 
ly absurd it is for me to expect Rudolph to keep his 
engagement with me tonight, when I’ve treated him so 


76 



unkindly. Poor fellow, after all you have done for the 
college, your friends have forsaken you; I, with the 
rest. 

{A noise is heal'd off right and Pauline hastily with¬ 
draws into summer house. Enter Gibson and 
Anthony from right.') 

Gibson {excited). Old Pop arrested them right 
here. I saw the whole business from behind that tree. 

Anthony. Dennis is responsible for this trouble. 

Gibson. But here is the rub: How are we going 
to turn the song practice into an election when the 
President of the Athletic Association and the candi¬ 
date are in jail? 

Anthony. We’ll have to get them out some way, 
and hurry up Clark’s election before the Scroll and 
Sword meeting is out, or Rudolph will queer the whole 
thing. Let’s beat it, fellows, for Pop’s after the whole 
bunch. 

{They exit left.) 

Pauline {coming out of summer house). Election 
tonight ? I see! And so they are planning to defeat 
Jim by a cowardly trick. Well, I shall expose them. 
{She sits down on the class scat in meditation.) 

{Enter Alexander from left.) 

Pauline. Alexander! Where is Jim? 

Alexander. I don’t know. He left me this after¬ 
noon and didn’t return for dinner. 

Pauline. We must find him, Will, without delay, 
for the other side is planning to turn the song practice 
tonight into an election, to defeat Jim. 

Alexander. Oh, surely not, Pauline! 

Pauline. I overheard the whole plan just a mo¬ 
ment ago. They are going to spring the election while 
you are having your meeting. 

77 


Alexander. They won’t if I can prevent it. 
But there is one thing I want to make right with you, 
Pauline, although I have been asked to keep silent. 
It is regarding that article in the “Collegian." It was 
I, not Rudolph, who published it. Clark gave it to 
me and I, not knowing its significance, placed it in 
the paper. 

Pauline. We have all done him a great injustice, 
me, especially. Will, you must find him and tell him 
of the plan for tonight. 

Alexander. He will not raise a finger to stop it. 
I know him. 

Pauline. But he must come to this meeting. 
('Thinks a moment). I have it! Tell him I am wait¬ 
ing for him at the class seat, and I want him to come. 

Alexander. I’ll probably find him at the Scroll 
and Sword hall; if not, then I’ll search the town for 
him. 

(They exit left.) 

(Enter Miss Winter leading in Pierson from right. 
Pierson has on initiation costume of ridiculous 
type. He wears a bridle and a set of buggy har¬ 
ness, and is dragging a large hitching weight.) 

Pierson. But how did you know I was there? 

Miss Winter. I saw them bring you down from 
the hall and hitch you behind the gymnasium. I have 
watched you from my window for an hour. I couldn’t 
stand it any longer, so I just had to rescue you. 

Pierson. That was awfully good of you. But, 
sa > y I don t believe they are going to have the initia¬ 
tion tonight. I really think they have forgotten me. 

I here hasn t been anybody around for an hour. 

Miss Winter. Go over to your room and go to 
bed. Don’t let them take you in tonight. I beo- of you 

78 


Pierson. Now, Carrie, we threshed that out last 
night. I am going on with this initiation and get it off 
my mind. I haven t been able to sleep or eat since I 
was pledged. But, gee! If those fellows find that I 
have been unhitched, it’s good bye me. 

(A noise is heard off right.) 

Miss Winter. Great Scott! They are after you! 

Pierson. In here, quick! 

(They withdraw to the summer house. Enter Miss 
Cravens from right.) 

Miss Winter ( leading Pierson out of summer 
house). It’s only Helen. Come on, Graham. 

Pierson. Did you see any of the fellows ? They 
surely will be after me before long. 

Miss Cravens. Fellows? That old beast of a Pop 
Turner has arrested every man he could find. I have 
been waiting to see Mr. Hunt, and just learned that he, 
too, was in jail. But Dennis Welsch is still at large. 

Pierson. What’s going to become of me? I am 
not going to stand hitched all night. No “boy on the 
burning deck" for mine. (Pierson moves over to 
right and looks into the distance.) 

Miss Winter ( aside to Miss Cravens). Helen, I 
am so uneasy about Graham. He is not able to take 
the work tonight. 

Miss Cravens. Don’t worry, dear. They won’t 
do much to him. 

Miss Winter. Oh, you don’t know. 

Miss Cravens. Don’t know? Say, I have had a 
Freshman lover every term for three years. All of 
them were initiated, and I never lost a man. That 
is, not until after they had been in the “frat” some 
time. 


79 


Miss Winter. But Graham has such a weak heart. 

Miss Cravens. They won’t hurt his heart. 

(Pierson joins girls.) 

Miss Cravens. You are not afraid, are you, Gra¬ 
ham ? 

Pierson. I should say not! 

(A noise is heard off right and the girls grab Pierson 
and rush him into summer house. Rudolph en¬ 
ters from left, and with his hands behind his back, 
and his head down, walks over to class scat.) 

Rudolph. I might have known that Pauline would 
not be here. It's foolish of me to expect it. (He walks 
up and dozen.) But it was unlike her to be so hasty. It's 
very evident that she’s not coming. I have kept my part 
of the agreement, anyway. (Looks at watch). It's time 
for the Scroll and Sword meeting. (Exits slowly at 
right.) 

(Pierson zvith Miss Winter and Miss Cravens 
emerges from summer house.) 

Pierson. I am not going to take any more chances. 
It’s me for the hitch-rack. (Exits hastily at right.) 

Miss Winter (calling to Pierson ). Good bye, 

Graham. Tell me all about it in the morning. 

Miss Cravens. Let’s walk down past the jail. 

(They exit right.) 

(Enter Smythe and Miss Huston from left.) 

Smytite. Isn't this an ideal night, Ann? So in¬ 
spiring. Do you know, I wasn’t surprised in being 
chosen Class Poet? 

Miss Huston. You can't hide your light under 
a half bushel these days, especially when it’s as dazzling 
as yours. 


So 


Smythe. Isn’t that the truth? In fact I was so 
sure that the class would select me, that I worked all 
vacation on the poem and finished it last week. (Takes 
manuscript from his pocket). Here it is. 

Miss Hu ston ( sighs ). All that ? 

Smythe. It’s really more like an Epic poem than 
anything else. It's the history of our class from the 
beginning of time. 

Miss Huston. You know class day comes in aw¬ 
fully warm weather and maybe the people won’t ap¬ 
preciate it in June. 

Smythe. I open with the Creation of the World. 

Miss Huston. Mercy! 

Smythe. We behold it without form and void. 
Upon a high embankment of shadows a maiden with a 
scroll of learning appears, representing the Goddess 
of Higher Education. With majestic strides she halts 
the President of our class, as he approaches in a golden 
chariot, drawn by foaming steeds. Then suddenly, 
without warning there emerges from out the fieecv 
clouds, our class, robed in Grecian costumes, following 
in the trackless path— 

Miss Huston. A-foot or in chariots? 

Smythe. Certainly not. Now, look here, Ann, 
this is no joke. If I had put all of them in chariots, 
look what a gang it would make. 

Miss Huston. Well, you said something about 
chariots. 

Smythe. I said the President of the class was in 
a chariot, and the rest of the class was walking. 

Miss Huston. On the clouds? (Aside). I have a 
picture of that bunch hopping the clouds. 


81 


Smythe. The scene changes, and we behold the 
great halls of learning from which- 

Miss Huston. Say, Leander, I will have to ask 
you to tell me the rest some other time, for I am so 
nervous I am about to go straight up. 

..Smythe. You cut in there at the prettiest place. 
I was just about to tell you how the class was sud¬ 
denly caught up in a pillar of fire and transferred to a— 

Miss Huston. Say, Leander, did you hear whether 
Pittsburg won today or not? 

Smythe. Ann, you haven’t an ounce of poetry in 
your system. 

{They exit right.) 

{Enter Mrs. New from left , with large market basket 
tilled with groceries.) 

Mrs. New. I absolutely refuse to serve cofifee and 
tea to those young people, knowing, as I do, how it 
creates an appetite for something stronger. But I 
don't know what they are going to drink. I can’t get 
a bit of Postine in this town. 

{Enter Pop Turner from right. Mrs. New and 
Pop stare viciously at each other.) 

Pop. You are no better than the rest of the no ac¬ 
count lot, and Pll bet you put them up to stealing my 
boarders. You come “buttin’ in’’ here from the coun¬ 
try, injuring other people’s business. 

Mrs. New. Look here, you old moss-back; Pll 
give you to understand that I am a perfect lady, and 
I allow no man to talk to me like that. {She places 
basket on ground and starts to roll up her sleeves.) 

{Enter Dennis Welscii, unnoticed, from right.) 

Pop. I am not through yet, by a whole lot. You 
just wait until the trial comes off. You come here rep- 

82 



resenting yourself to be a widow. How do we know 
what you are? 

Welsch (to Pop). Stop! How dare you insult a 
lady. You are a nice one, aren’t you? Intimidating 
a lone woman. Do you know, I have a big notion to 
have you arrested. Because the Freshmen played a 
little joke on you, you are ready to blame this lady 
for it. The idea! 

Pop. The Freshmen? 

Wei -SCH . Sure it was. I thought you knew that. 
They are all out tonight, getting ready for their class 
scrap. 

Pop (aside). Gosh! I’ve arrested the wrong parties. 

Welsch. Yes, and no doubt thev'll sue you for 
false imprisonment. Why didn’t you advise with some 
of your friends before you took this rash step? You 
may lose all of your property by your foolishness. 

Pop. I am at my wits’ end, Dennis. I don’t know 
which way to turn. 

Welsch. I’ll tell you one thing. You’d better get 
those fellows out of jail as quickly as possible. Then, 
there’s another thing. I can’t see how this town can 
support two boarding houses. You have a big house 
and plenty of dishes and things, and here is Mrs. New, 
a fine cook, with all of the boarders. Now, why can't 
you two people stop this quarreling and form a part¬ 
nership ? 

Pop (brightens up). That wouldn’t be bad, would 
it? 

Mrs. New. After he’s insulted me? Not much! 

Welsch. He didn’t mean it. He was so upset. 
Neither of you can go it alone and make anything. 

Pop. What do you sav, Mrs. New? 

83 


Mrs. New. I am willing to try it a spell. But say, 
if I run the kitchen, I run it alone. Now, my first 
husband, Paul’s father, poor soul, with all of his faults, 
he never meddled with my house work. ( She weeps.) 

Welsch. I think this is a fine arrangement. You 
bet you’ll have all of the business you can attend to, 
with Mrs. New’s good home cooking. 

Pop. Dennis, you are a fine boy. I’ll make this 
all right with you. Don’t ever say anything about 
board to me again. You are one of the family. 

Mrs. New. The only thing I ask, Mr. Turner, is 
that you'll let F*aul have that room for his tailor shop. 

Pop. You bet he can. 

Welsch. And let the boys out of the jail. 

Pop. You bet I will. Right now, too. I’ll carry 
your basket, Mrs. New. 

(As they walk over to right, Mrs. New and Welsch 
shake hands unnoticed by Pop. Mrs. New and Pop 
exit right.) 

Welsch. If they don’t head me off before long, 
I’ll send some of these guys to the Senate. 

(Enter from left, Gibson and Anthony.) 

Anthony. Gee whiz! Dennis, where have you 
been ? Do you know our plans are all knocked in the 
head ? 

Welsch. We’ll be all right, fellows; just keep 
cool. 

Gibson. Keep cool? When Hunt and Clark are 
pinched ? 

Welsch. That’s ancient history to me. I expect 
the\ are out by this time, and on their way here. 

Anthony. Sure? You are not joking, are you? 

Welsch. Was never more serious. I fixed it with 
Pop. The election will come off all right. 

84 




Anthony. I am afraid the “Barbs” are next to 
our plan. 

Welsch. Surely not. 

Gibson. We passed a whole bunch on University 
avenue. 

Welsch. That s bad. Whey should be in the Scroll 
and Sword hall before this. 

(Enter from right, Clark and Hunt. Fellows all 
laugh at them.) 

Welsch. Welcome home! 

Gibson. Did you have a pleasant visit? 

Clark. Laugh, idiots ! Maybe you think it’s funny 
to be shut up in a dark, musty cell. 

Hunt. With a lot of drunks and crazies. We’d 
have been there yet if we had depended on you. 

Welsch. Whom do you think got you out? 

Clark. We don’t know. 

Gibson. Dennis, there, fixed it up. 

Hunt. Honest? Shake! (They shake hands.) 

Welsch. Now, fellows, we’ve got to get awfully 
busy and round up the crowd for the election. Clark, 
you and Hunt walk down University avenue and get 
a line on the “Barbs.” See if they are in the Scroll 
and Sword hall. 

Anthony. Then Miss Miller is keeping a big 
bunch away. She’s having a meeting of the Dramatic 
Club in Science hall tonight. 

Welsch. That’s bad. (To Anthony). Bill, you 
go down and persuade Miss Miller to finish the meet¬ 
ing here. Tell her the fellows can’t meet in Science 
Hall, because we are getting up some new yells for the 
game, but we’ll meet her here. Tell her anything. 
Come on, Clark, this way. 

85 


(Exit Clark, Welsch, Gibson and Hunt, right. An¬ 
thony left.) 

{Enter Paul Pesh from left, with great arm-load of 
men's clothing. Paul has on large sweater, and 
little college cap.) 

Paul. It won’t take me forever to get into the 
college spirit. (Takes out large pipe and lights it. He 
smokes vigorously.) I am not a strident, but I am 
going to get in on some of their fun. (Paul is leav¬ 
ing.) 

{Enter Mr. Boyden from right.) 

Boyden {calling to Paul). Oh, Mr. Pesh! One 
moment, please. I hear you are very clever at pres¬ 
sing clothing, and I want you to go over my entire 
wardrobe. 

Paul. I’ll send the boy around in the morning. 
Next month I’ll have in a fine stock of woolens, and 
I’d like for you to call in and see them. 

Boyden. You are going to make clothes, too? 

Paul. Oh, yes. College clothes a specialty. {Exit 
left.) 

{Enter right , Miss Miller, Mary Billings, Miss 
Huston, Miss Winter, Miss James, Miss Cra¬ 
vens, Miss Moore and Mr. Anthony.) 

Boyden {advancing to Miss Miller). It was kind 
of you to change your meeting place for these young 
people. 

Miss Miller. Mr. Anthony said they wouldn't 
come over to the hall, so we had to come here. There 
was no alternative; but where are they ? 

Anthony. They (will be along, directly. They 
had a little matter to attend to, first. 


86 


Boyden. The change is a happy one. It’s more 
delightful here under the trees. 

(Great noise is heard off right and Hunt and Smythe, 
armed with barrel staves, enter with Candidate 
Williams and others. 7 he candidates arc placed 
at the rear.) 

Hunt (to Miss Miller). Don’t call the dramatic 
meeting until the Chi Alphas come. They are on their 
way. 

(Another commotion is heard off right and Welscii, 
Clark and Gibson enter, with Pierson and other 
candidates. They arc also armed with barrel 
sterves. The candidates carry large signs, adver¬ 
tising the foot ball game for next Saturday.) 
(Hunt, Anthony, Clark and Welscii are in the 
center.) 

Welsch. Everything is turning out fine. Scroll 
and Sword men are all in their hall. 

Anthony. Then we can carry this election through 
without a hitch. Hurry up, Miss Miller. 

Welsch (turning to Miss Miller). We are all here, 
I guess, Miss Miller, if you are ready. 

Miss Miller (advancing to center, with note-book). 
The committee has chosen one of Shakespeare's plays 
for us to present on Class Day. 

Several Students. Which one? 

Miss Miller. “The Comedy of Errors.” The cast 
committee has selected the best actors from each fra¬ 
ternity, which makes everything equal, you know, and 
I trust there will be no hard feelings. Mr. Hunt and 
Mr. Clark are the twin brother merchants. (All laugh.) 

Welsch. You never could make those fellows look 
like twins in a thousand years. 

87 


Miss Miller. No, nor in two thousand, but the 
faculty is responsible. The two Dromios are Mr. 
Welsch and Mr. Anthony. ( All laugh.) 

Welsch. You'll have to get a new boy for my 
part. I’ll play anything in reason, but the idea of pas¬ 
sing Bill and me off for twins! Who selected this cast, 
anyway ? 

Anthony. I'll not be in it if Dennis refuses. 

Miss Billings. Dennis is going to act stubborn 
and spoil all of the fun. 

Miss Miller. It will be loads of fun— a regular 
burlesque, Mr. Welsch. Here are the other members 
of the cast written on the first page. (She passes copies 
of the play around.) 

Hunt. Pardon me, Miss Miller, I don't mean to 
be officious, but what’s the use of taking up so much 
time now, when we don't present this play until June. 
It’s past time for the song practice now, and besides, we 
want to initiate tonight. 

Anthony. That's what I say. Start up the songs. 

Miss Miller. If that is your wish, I'm perfectly 
willing. 

Hunt ( stepping out in front to direct the singing). 
Let’s begin with the old college song. 

(They sing the college song.) 

• Boyden (aside to Miss Miller). If you have com¬ 
pleted your work for this evening I should like to 
show you how perfect the moon appears from Obser¬ 
vatory Hill, on the other side of the campus. I never 
saw a more enchanting scene. (They exit slowly at 
left.) 

Welsch (to Hunt). Now is the time. Call vour 
meeting. 


88 


Hunt( to the crowd). Friends, with your permis¬ 
sion, w e will postpone this song practice until another 
time, as we have something of more importance, which 
needs our immediate attention. It is necessary that we 
complete at once our base ball schedule for the spring 
games, and we have thought it best to call a meeting 
of the Athletic Association tonight and elect a manager 
of the team. The Secretary will record this meeting. 
(There is a murmur among the students. All seem 
greatly surprised.) 

Gibson. Mr. President, I nominate Mr. Harrison 
Clark for manager of the team. 

(Pauline Day enters , and some little commotion is 
caused by her coming.) 

Smythe. I second the motion. 

Hunt. You have heard the motion. Are you ready 
for the question? 

Several Students. Question. 

Hunt. Are there any other nominations ? 

Welsch. I nominate Jim Rudolph. 

Anthony. Second the motion. 

Gibson. I move the nominations be closed. 

Hunt. I don’t believe anyone will insist upon a 
secret ballot, and if there is no objection, we will dis¬ 
pense with it. I will ask Mr. Gibson and Miss Billings 
to keep a record of the votes for the Secretary. All 
those in favor of Harrison Clark for manager of the 
base ball team, please signify by saying “aye.” 

All. Aye! 

(Rudolph, unnoticed, enters from right and stands at 
rear.) 

Hunt. All those in favor of James Rudolph, say 
“aye.” 


89 


Pauline. Aye! 

(Great confusion and mumbling.) 

Rudolph ( advancing to the center). And so you 
have had your election and chosen a manager for your 
base ball team. At an hour when the opposing candi¬ 
date was without representation, when a large per cent, 
of the students were engaged elsewhere. You have 
done all you said you would—elected vour candidate 
at any cost. Elected him in the dark—dishonorably 
and unscrupulously. 

(Welsch steps forward, as if to protest.) 

Rudolph (continuing). I repeat, dishonorably—by 
a band of unprincipled politicians, whose greatest am¬ 
bition is to place their candidate in office. As I have 
said many times, I care absolutely nothing for this 
office. It matters little to me whether you are for or 
against me. Why didn’t you prove it in a scpiare, open 
election. It wasn't a life or death matter. It was 
in your power to elect whom you chose. I congratulate 
Mr. Clark on his election. I have no envy for the man 
who, like a thief, slipped through in the dark. 
(Rudolph walks over to class seat, sits down, staring 
into space. There is a little murmur after Rudolph 
concludes, then the students, in small groups, 
guiltily withdrazv , leaving Pauline Day alone, 
near the center. She walks over to Rudolph 
and touches him on the shoulder. Rudolph starts, 
rises to his feet, and takes both of her hands.) 

CURTAIN. 


90 


ACT IV. 


(Some eight months arc supposed to have elapsed be¬ 
tween Act III and Act. IV.) 


(Class day on the campus in Iunc. At left is the front 
of Henry Hall, a large dormitory, the veranda 
of which has been decorated in college colors — 
blue and white—for the occasion. On right is the 
old college fence, made of posts and tubing. At 
rear may be seen the campus and other college 
buildings.) 

(Scene i. Students and visitors pass from right to 
left, chatting about the play, which has just been 
presented.) 

(Enter Mrs. New, Miss Winter and Miss Moore, 
from right.) 

Miss Winter. Wasn’t the play beautiful? 

Miss Moore. Simply great. So much better than 
the one given on the campus last year. 

Mrs. New. Do you know, girls, I couldn’t tell one 
of them with all of their disguises on. 

Miss Winter. Wasn’t it too bad that the Fresh¬ 
men spoiled some of the scenes? Why couldn’t they 
have waited for the game this afternoon, or the cele¬ 
bration tonight for their little stunts ? 

Mrs. New. When they started that monkey busi¬ 
ness I had a big mind to go back there and settle them 
myself. 

Miss Winter. Didn’t Mary look sweet? 

9 1 


Miss Moore. Exquisite. 

Miss Winter. She has talent to burn. 

Mrs. New. I liked Mr. Welsch's acting the best. 
He's a regular “cut-up” anyway. 

Miss Moore. They all looked fine and Miss Miller 
deserves a lot of credit for her coaching. I wish mama 
could have seen it. 

Mrs. New. They acted pretty good, considering 
that they didn’t have any scenery; but the play was 
so sad. 

Miss Winter. Sad? “The Comedy of Errors” sad? 
Surely, you don’t mean that, Mrs. New. 

Mrs. New. It may not have seemed so to you 
young people, but to me, at my age, a lone woman, it 
was terrible sorrowful. It reminded me of a set of 
twins that lived near us, at Stop 6. One day, while 
their mother was at a missionary meetin’, those chil¬ 
dren bit the heads off of two boxes of matches, 
and died that night. All through the play, when them 
twins came in, I could think of nothing but the twins 
at Stop 6. 

{Exit Mrs. New, Miss Moore and Miss Winter, 
left.) 

(Enter from right the east, zvith supers for the “Com¬ 
edy of Errors." They have just left the stage and 
are in costume. The costumes, which have been 
rented, do not fit and are almost grotesque looking. 
Aegeon, Pierson; Antipholus of Syracuse, Clark; 
Antipholus of Ephesus, Hunt! Dromio of Ephesus , 
Wclsch; Dromio of Syracuse, Anthony; Balthazar, 
Smythe; Angelo, Williams; Amelia, Miss Huston; 
Adriana, Miss Billings; Luciana , Miss James; 
Luce, Miss Cravens.) 

92 




Welsch (disgusted). This is my last offense. If 
they ever give this play again, they can get a new boy 
for my part. (Throws his wig on porch of Henry 
Hall.) 

Clark. You don't feel anv worse about it than the 

j 

rest of us. 

Miss Billings: It wasn’t so bad. 

Welscli. Bad? It was the worst thing I ever saw. 
Absolutely rotten. That scene I had with Clark in 
the second act. (All laugh). Gee! That was rank! Then 
after we finally got started right and thought we could 
worry through it, the Freshmen began to hoot and 
yell—“suffer over here awhile.” (They all laugh.) 

Pierson. You know that place where I “butted in" 
to fight, (they all laugh) I reached for my sword 
and I couldn't pull it out to save my life. (Roars of 
laughter.) 

Miss James. I wonder what the people from home 
thought. 

Anthony. I can’t understand why we should have 
bungled so today, when it went all right at rehearsals. 

Williams. Look how long we have been rehears¬ 
ing it, too. 

Welscli. Then these costumes are nothing like we 
ordered. 

Clark. Look like they had been wished on us. 

Smythe. Say, Dennis, who made you up, anyway? 
Your face was enough to start the Freshmen to guying 
us. You look like a pirate. 

Welsch. I don’t want to hear anything from you. 
That class poem of yours is what queered the play. 
(All laugh.) 


93 


Anthony. Where we walked on the clouds. Holy 
Moses! It’s a wonder they didn’t throw, you in the 
creek. 

Welsch. That was the limit. How anybody could 
dope out a thing like that and live is a mystery. 

Miss Huston. That poem was the best thing in 

class day. 

Clark. The best scene in the play Hunt spoiled. 

Hunt. How is that? 

Clark. There in the last act, when everything was 
all over, you failed to recognize me, your twin brother. 

Miss Huston. Oh, we don't care; what s the use 
in fussing over the play. It was just for jthe fun of 
the thing, anyway. 

Welsch. I hope the faculty is satisfied. They 
wanted an Elizabethean play, and I guess we delivered 
the goods. 

Miss Billings. Miss Miller thought it went off 
all right. 

Welsch. Yes, Miss Miller knows a whole lot, 
about coaching a play. We did all of the heavy work 
and she gets the credit. 

Miss Huston. Weren’t those lovely flowers she 
received ? 

Welsch. I am glad they didn’t hand them to me. 

Miss Billings. Old Mr. Boyden sent them up to 
her. 

Clark. I am sick of the whole business. Let’s get 
out of these clothes. Everything went wrong today. 
The audience just sat there nailed to their seats ; then 
in the last act, when they seemed to get a little under¬ 
standing what we were trying to do, Dennis swallowed 
the main speech in the play and put them hack in dark¬ 
ness again. 


94 


Welsch. I only swallowed the last half of it. 

{All laugh.) 

(Enter from right Mr. Boyden and Miss Miller. 
The latter carries a large bouquet of roses. Mr. 
Boyden has on a suit of clothes that is the ex¬ 
treme of college fashion.) 

Miss ]\ Tiller. I want to congratulate all of you. 
The play was a great success. 

Welsch. We know how it went, so there’s no 
use trying to jolly us along. 

Miss Miller. But you haven’t heard what the 
people said. They declared it was the best play the 
college has ever given. 

Boyden. I must congratulate you, also. The play 
was presented in a very praiseworthy manner—very, 
indeed. 

(. Re-enter Mrs. New from left.) 

Mrs. New. Oh, here you are! Girls, you looked 
like angels. You were all so sweet. (She hisses all 
of the girls.) Mr. Welsch was cute, too. 

{All laugh.) 

Miss Billings. It’s almost time for the ball game. 
Let us hurry and get out of these costumes. 

{The girls, with Mrs. New and Miss Miller, exit 
into Henry Hall.) 

Clark. Gee whiz ! I forgot about the game. I have 
to meet the visiting team from Ainsmore. 

Boyden. They have alreadv arrived. I knew you 
would be busy, Mr. Clark, so I met the players and es¬ 
corted them to the hotel. But I have very bad news 
for you ; I understand the faculty has ruled Mr. Gib¬ 
son off the team. 

{All greatly excited.) 

95 




Clark. Ruled him off of the team ? 

Welsch. He is the only pitcher we have. 

Anthony. Surely not, Mr. Boyden. 

Boyden. Mr. Gibson failed completely in all of his 
subjects, and you know the faculty will not allow a 
student to represent the college on the teams if they 
are not up in their work. 

Clark. This is a fine state of affairs. The other 
team on the ground; all of the tickets sold for the game, 
and we are left without a pitcher. 

Boyden. Can’t you get some one else? 

Welsch. Jack Bink and Walters, the other pitch¬ 
ers, are laid up. Gibson is all we have. 

Clark. Well, it's get out of these things, and see 
what we can do with the President. 

Anthony. You can always count on the faculty 
queering things. I never knew it to fail. 

(All exit into Henry Hall.) 

(Enter Paul Pesh from right , dressed in the extreme 
of college fashion. He adjusts the hang of his 
coat and dusts off his shoes.) 

Pesh. It wasn’t hard to pick out the clothes I made 
in that audience. They speak for themselves. 

(Enter from right , Miss Winter and Miss Moore.) 

Pesh ( rushing up to them). Hello there, girlies, 
just been looking for you. Got dandy seats for the 
game. 

Miss Winter. How perfectly splendid! 

Pesh. We have lots of time. Let’s blow on down 
and get a soda and some colors. Big time today. 

(They start to exit at left.) 

(Enter Gibson from right. He also has on a freakish 
suit of clothes.) 


96 


Gibson ( calling to Pcsh). Excuse me, but could 
I have a word with you, Pesh? 

(Pesh excuses himself from girls and goes over to 
Gibson.) 

Pesh. What can I do for you? 

Gibson. What can you do for me? Look at this 
damned suit! Nothing like the goods I ordered. I 
wanted the small check. 

Pesh. Just what you ordered. It looked different 
in the piece, but when you get it all together the effect 
is striking. 

Gibson. You know I wouldn’t dare go home in a 
suit like this. 

Pesh. What’s the matter with you? That’s all big 
town stuff. 

Gibson. I'll scare somebody’s horse in this rig. 
Haven’t you got something at the shop I can wear 
today ? 

Pesh. You are all right, Gibson. That suit is 
stunning. You’re going to get into your uniform in 
a few moments. After the game go down to the shop 
and my men will fix you out. I’ve got my lady friends 
to look after now. 

Gibson. I am not going to keep these things, I 
can tell you that. ( Gibson sits on fence.) 

Pesh ( advancing toward girls). Too much busi¬ 
ness entirely. I never have a moment for pleasure. 
That fellow has just ordered three more suits of 
clothes. I wouldn’t make a suit for my grandfather 
on a day like this. Come on, girls. ( They exit left.) 

( Re-enter all of the fellows from Henry Hall.) 

Welsch (to Gibson). You are out of the game. 
Did you know it? 


97 


Gibson (coolly). I have been expecting it. 

Welsch. You flunked out in every subject. We 
couldn’t get you to open a book all term. Nice fix 
we are in now. 

Gibson. I knew those moss-backs would try to 
queer the team some way, but this morning, when I 
failed to get a notice from the Dean, I thought I was 
safe. 

Anthony. We may do something with the Presi- 

J o 

dent. 

Gibson. He won't let me play. He barred the flunks 
at the last game. 

Welsch. Let’s get busy and see what he says. 
(They exit right, leaving Gibson sitting on the fence.) 
(Re-enter ait of the girls from Henry Hall.) 

Miss Billings. Where are all of the fellows? 

Gibson. They went over to see the President. Our 
beloved faculty fired me off the team. 

Miss Billings. Fired you off the team? 

Miss Huston. You don’t mean it! 

Miss Billings. Then there will be no game this 
afternoon ? 

Gibson. Not unless they get me reinstated. 

Miss Huston. This is terrible! 

(Re-enter Pierson, Clark, Hunt, Welsch, An¬ 
thony, Smythe and Williams, from right.) 

Miss Billings. What did the President say? 

Welsch. He said a-plenty. Gibson can’t play 
on the team. 

Pierson. If he had studied a little we wouldn’t 
he placed in such a predicament. 

Gibson. If the manager of the team had run his 
end of it, there would have been plenty of other 
pitchers beside me. 


98 


Clark. That s right! Keep it up. I can stand any¬ 
thing now. 

Gibson. As fai as the studying goes, I can t see 
where any of you fellows have any per cent, over me. 

Clark. If the student body had given us their sup¬ 
port, and made an effort to have men “try out" for 
the squad, we could have had plenty of material. The 
scrub team has played better ball all through the sea¬ 
son, and has won every game they played. 

Miss Cravens. Yes, but Rudolph pitched for the 
Scrubs. 

Clark. Rudolph- 

(Several moments' pause here.) 

Welsch. No use to consider him. I guess we had 
better call the game off. 

Clark. We’ll play this game today. 

Welsch. We’ll just call it off. That’s what we’ll 
do. 

Clark. Who is manager of this team? We’ll have 
a game, I tell you. 

Miss Billings. Let’s see Rudolph. 

Welsch. .Not me. Clark says he can ryn this 
thing. Let him run it. 

(All exit left, leaving Clark, who goes over to right 
and sits on the fence.) 

(Enter several students from right, carrying hooks, 
tennis racquets, golf clubs, etc. They cross the 
stage and enter Henry Hall. Enter Rudolph 
from right , carrying base ball uniform, bats and 
a glove. He walks up the steps of Henry Hall.) 

Clark (calling to Rudolph). Could I have a few 
words with you, Jim? 

Rudolph (placing belongings on porch). What is 
it, Clark ? 

> n 

> ) 5 


99 



Clark ( advancing ). I suppose you have heard 

about the team? 

Rudolph. The coach told me in the “gym” just 
now. 

Clark. We’re up against it—left without a pitcher, 
and the team from Ainsmore is in the field. There is 
nothing left to do but call the game off unless you’ll 
pitch. 

Rudolph. It’s hard to imagine that my services 
are needed at this late day. 

Clark. Rudolph, we haven’t played square, not by 
a whole lot, I am free to confess it—you don't owe me 
a thing; but it’s the college I’m thinking of. You know 
we all owe it something. The other team has arrived, 
the crowd is gathering, and here we are with our hands 
tied. We beat those fellows in last year’s game—you 
pitched it—the greatest game of the season. We could 
defeat them again with you in the box. 

Rudolph (brightens up). Last year’s commence¬ 
ment game was a great game, wasn’t it? I can see 
it now. The crowd, the colors, the cheers. You re¬ 
member our batting streak in the sixth inning. When 
I stepped in that box I never was in better form. Then 
after we won, how we did celebrate. (Softly). But 
that was last year. No, Clark, you have played the 
season without me; I can not help you now. (Moves 
over to porch.) 

Clark. I am not asking for myself. It’s the col¬ 
lege. It's the last thing you can do, Jim, for her sake. 
Help us out. 

Rudolph (going up the steps). Too late, Clark, 
too late. (Exit into Henry Hall.) 

Clark (aside). Too late! (With his head down 
he walks over to the fence.) 

ioo 


{Enter Pauline Day excitedly from right.) 

Pauline. Have you seen Jim? Everybody wants 
him to pitch. 

Clark. I have seen him. He refuses to play. ( Exit 
Clark slowly right.) 

{Enter Rudolph from Henry Hall.) 

Rudolph. You here, Pauline? I was just going 
for you. 

Pauline. Everyone is crying your name on the 
campus. The bleachers are yelling for you. You must 
pitch, Jim. 

Rudolph. It is not me they want, Pauline; it’s only 
a ball player. I cannot forget the insults that they 
have heaped upon me— 

Pauline. But the tide has changed. The old col¬ 
lege needs a pitcher. This is the last time you can 
ever play on a team from Beecham. 

Rudolph. Pauline, you seem to have forgotten how 
I have been ignored until this late day. 

Pauline. Not that, Jim; but is it right to make 
the college suffer for the mistakes of a few? At this 
moment every student in this college is calling for you. 
Surely you can’t hold out against them. Jim, if you’ll 
pitch this game, I'll grant you anything in my power. 

Rudolph {eagerly taking her hands). Pauline, for 
your sake, and yours alone, I will pitch this game. 

Pauline. Jim! {Impulsively, she starts to em¬ 
brace him, but stops, confused.) 

Rudolph. Wait here for me when it’s over. (Ru¬ 
dolph grabs up his uniform and bats from the porch, 
and hurriedly exits at left.) 

{Enter Clark with great crozed of students from 
right.) 


ioi 


Pauline {with her hands high in the air). He'll 
play ! He'll play! 

(The students cheer and exit quickly at right. One 
student with large pennant waves a signal. Off 
left cheering is heard in the distance, mingled with 
band music. The name of Rudolph may be heard 
at intervals. Pauline exits left.) 

{Enter Pop Turner with a great arm-load of Beecham 
College pennants, tin horns and arm bands.) 

(Enter Clark from right.) 

Clark (Grabs Pop and whirls him around.) The 
dead is alive and the lost is found. Give me twenty- 
five pennants. (Gives Pop bill). Keep the change. 
You want to sell twice that many flags today. Hurrah ! 
Hurrah ! (Runs off at left.) 

{Enter students from right, going to the game. They 
are very enthusiastic and cross the stage and exit 
at right. Some stop to buy horns and flags from 
Pop.) 

{Cheers and band music are heard from the field, which 
is off left.) 

{Enter from right Paul Pesh, with Miss Moore and 
Miss Winter. The college colors are very much 
in evidence.) 

Pesh. Give us three pennants and three arm bands. 

Pop {handing them out). You’d better hurry. The 
game has started. 

Miss Moore {places box of fudge on porch steps). 
Wait a minute until I get this on my arm. 

Pesh. Hurry up! We can’t miss the beginning. 
{Exit Pesh, Miss Moore and Miss Winter hurriedly 
at left.) 

{More students pass on their way to the game.) 

10 2 


{Enter from right, six fellows, marching with canes, 
like soldiers. They halt in center of stage.) 
Fiksi Student. Who was George Washington? 
All. hiist in war, first in peace, first in the hearts 
of his countrymen. 

{They give the usual dance at the end of this, and exit 
left.) 

{Re-enter from left, Paul Pesh, Miss Moore and 
Miss Winter. Miss Moore hurries over to the 
steps and picks up box of fudge she left.) 

Miss Moore. Wasn t that silly of me to forget the 
fudge ? 

{Cheers from the held.) 

Pesh. 111 bet we have missed two innings. 

{They exit left.) 

{Other students pass hurriedly to game.) 

{Enter Miss Billings and Welsch from right.) 
Welscli. This is as far as I can take you. 

Miss Billings. Come on, Dennis; go to the game. 
Welscti. Not on your life! Pm left with the bag 
to hold. 


Miss Billings. You will be the only one to miss it. 

Welsch. I don’t care. Where will you be to¬ 
night, Mary ? N 

Miss Billings. I am no quitter. I’ll be in the pa¬ 
rade with the others, tonight, and if you want to see 
me, fall in. {She exits left.) 

{Cheers from the game are heard.) 

Welsch. Great game, I’ll bet. Gee! I would like 
to see it. 

Pop {approaching Welsch). I just want to give 
you notice that this arrangement of yours—this part¬ 
nership business with Mrs. New, don’t go next year. 
I am going it alone. 


103 



J 





Welsch. What's the matter with you? You made 
more money this year than ever before. 

Pop. Lost more, you mean. I can't say a word in 
my own house. Have to make beds and do everything. 
She won't do a thing but cook. Then every Saturday 
night we divide the money. It's not right. The 
money should come to me. 

Welsch. Her cooking has made your joint. 

Pop. Haven’t a word to say about her cooking. 
She is clean and saving, but this dividing up of the 
profits is what gets me. 

Welsch. Just you wait, now. Maybe I can fix 
things for you. 

(Cheers arc heard from game.) 

Pop. Gee ! I have to sell some more of these flags, 
I don't want to carry them over another season. 
(Exits left.) 

(Enter Mrs. New from right, all dressed up for the 
game.) 

Mrs. New. Not going to the game? What’s the 
matter, Dennis ? I didn’t think I would go, but when 
I got up home I felt so lonely and sad. You know 
mv husband will be dead just two years this coming 
Tuesday. Poor soul! ( She weeps.) I guess I’ll go back 
home. 

Welsch. Where did you live before you came 
here ? 

Mrs. New. Stop 6. My house is the big white 
one, next to the blacksmith shop, across from Jones’ 
pasture. 

Welsch. Would you go away and leave your son 
here ? 


104 


Mr s. New. Paulie don’t seem to need me any 
longer. He stays out late at night and smokes cigar¬ 
ettes. I don t know what will become of the child. 

(Enter Pop from left.) 

Welsch (to Pop). Mrs. New tells me she is going 
back to her old home. I think she is making a mis¬ 
take, leaving her son behind, and besides, you two have 
built up a splendid business. 

Mrs. New. We have done right well, but Mr. 
Turner don’t think I have added very much to the 
boarding house. 

Pop. Yes I do, too. 

Mrs. New. It’s so lonely here for me. 

Welsch. I don’t think you people should dissolve 
partnership. You have built up a fine business. Wait 
a moment—I have an idea. Both of you are alone in 
the world. Why don’t you get married? 

Mrs. New (weeps). And my poor husband hardly 
cold in the grave ? 

Pop (aside). If she will have me, I’m willing, for she 
is a dandy good cook. 

Welsch. Let your husband rest, back at Stop 6, 
when the living is at hand. (Aside to Pop). Get 
busy! 

Pop. I think our young friend is right, Mrs. New, 
for I’ve been thinking for a long time that you were a 
mighty fine woman. What do you say to going right 
up to the Squire’s house, now? 

Mrs. New (coyly). Do you suppose the Squire 
is at home? 

Pop. Well, we’ll hunt and hunt until we find him. 
(They start to go.) 

Mrs. New (weeping). My husband said I would 
marry, the first chance I had. 

105 


Pop. Now, Mrs. New, we might as well understand 
ourselves right now. If you are going to have your 
name on my shingle you'll have to cut out that “dead 
husband" business. 

Welsch. That's so; you'll have to give up that 
luxury. 

(Cheers from flic game.) 

(Enter Pauline Day, greatly excited, from left.) 

Pauline. Oh, Mrs. New, I am so glad you are 
here. I must talk to some one. It was impossible for 
me to suppress my enthusiasm any longer. ( To Den¬ 
nis). Just think of it, Dennis, we are two runs ahead; 
made them in the fifth inning. Jackson got a single; 
Walker got his base on balls, then Jim came to bat. 
I wish you could have seen that crowd. They were 
wild! d'he band played while we joined in singing 
the college song. Jim drove a high one clear to the 
center field fence, and brought in both men. ( Her en¬ 
thusiasm is received without comment.) 

Pauline (disappointed) . Why don't you say some¬ 
thing—sav something. (To Welsch). Don’t you care 
whether we win or not ? 

Pop. It’s all right, honey, but we have something 
more important than the hall game to attend to. 

(More cheers from game are heard.) 

Pauline. Listen! That certainly is another score 
for us. (She exits quickly at left.) 

(Enter Paul Pesh from left. His voice is almost 
gone from yelling.) 

Pesh (excitedly to Pop). Horns! Horns! 

Pop. Help yourself, Paulie, take the whole busi¬ 
ness. (Pesh grabs up arm-load of horns and pennants, 
and rushes out at left.) 


106 


Mrs. New (calling to Pesh). Paulie, wait—wait— 
I have something awfully solemn to tell you. Mr. 
Turner and me are- 

Pop. Well, mother, let's be on our way. 

(Mrs. New coqucttishly moves over to Pop and they 
exit right , smiling at each other.) 

Welsch. It was a dark and stormy night, and from 
out the stillness the galloping of a horse was heard. 
Was it? Yes, it was, Jack. Stopping his steed, 
with superhuman strength he reached far over and 
drew the maiden into his arms, and carried her, an 
unwilling bride, to his castle in the wood, where they 
lived happy ever after. 

(Cheers from the game arc heard.) 

Welsch (goes over to left and listens). Gee! But 
I would like to see that game. 

(Another cheer goes up from the game.) 
(Welsh pulls his hat far down over his eyes, thrusts 
his hands down in his trouser pockets, looks from 
left to right and exits left.) 

(Enter Gibson from right , with grip, golf clubs, etc.) 

Gibson. They handed it to me, and if I ever come 
hack to this college it will be in the baggage coach 
ahead. I pitched my head off trying to win games, 
and then to think that faculty showed their apprecia¬ 
tion by canning hie. They will find out some day, 
that it’s the athletes who draw the students here, not 
the pale-face book-worms, who later turn into school 
teachers. 

(More cheering from the game.) 

Gibson (looks longingly in the direction of the 
game. He takes time table from his pocket). Let’s 


107 



see, I can get a train out of here at four two, and an¬ 
other at seven. 

(Moore cheers from the game.) 

Gibson (throwing grip and belongings on the porch 
of Henry Hall). I guess I’d better take the seven o’clock 
train. ( Exits left.) 

(Enter Mr. Boyden and Miss Miller from right. 
They arc in traveling costume, and are carrying 
grips.) 

Miss Miller. Could anything be more unfortunate 
than Mr. Turner and Mrs. New coming into the 
Squire’s office just when we were being married? It 
will be all over town in less than an hour. 

Boyden. Oh, no, my dear! Let us hope not. We 
leave here on the seven o’clock train, and shall be far 
away before the students learn of it. 

Miss Miller. But if they do- 

Boyden. Don’t worry, my dear little wifie. We 
shall soon be safe with my brother in the Adirondacks, 
spending a quiet honeymoon. 

Miss Miller. Honeymoon in the Adirondacks? 
Not for me. We want to go to some live place. What’s 
the matter with Atlantic City? 

Boyden. Oh, let us go where we can recuperate 
from the strenuous winter. Then I want to become 
better acquainted with my little flower. 

Miss Miller. Your little flower will look better 
on the sea shore, where there is something doing. I 
thought we would spend some time at Atlantic City, 
then on to Narragansett; go from there to New York 
in October, and about Christmas time get things in 
shape for a little cruise in the Mediterranean. 


108 



Boyden. But, my clear, I had pictured my little 
flower as queen of a cottage, making biscuits and 
pies with her own little white hands, while I was dry¬ 
ing the dishes. 

Miss Miller. Me? Oh, no! I’ve passed through 
the cottage stage. No “get up, crochet, go to bed” for 
me; besides you are too young to settle down to the 
“simple struggle. I want people to see what a fine 
husband I have. 

Boyden (beaming at her). I guess I will have to 
leave all of the plans to my little wise head, although 
it’s hardly as I had planned. 

(Cheers arc heard from the game.) 

Miss Miller (hurriedly picking up her things). 
Mercy! I believe the game is over. 

Boyden. What a fright. Let us hasten. 

(They exit right.) 

(The game is over and the crowd is returning from 
the game. The hand and marching students are 
heard before they make their appearance on the 
stage. The procession enters, headed by the band. 
The students prance; yell after yell is given, hats 
are thrown into the air. They enter from left, 
march past Henry Hall and halt on the right side 
of the stage. The scene is a noisy one of victory. 
At the end of the procession a number of students 
and players rush in, carrying Rudolph on their 
shoulders. At sight of Rudolph the students 
cheer him to the echo. Pauline, Welsch, Clark 
and Gibson are in the center of the stage. Ru¬ 
dolph mounts the steps of Henry Hall, and the 
students cry “Speech! Speech!'’ etc.) 


109 


Rudolph. I thank you, my friends, from the bot¬ 
tom of my heart for this enthusiastic expression of 
your appreciation. I am very glad the game was won 
for Beecham. It’s'a happy ending of the last day under 
her wing. I shall join you in the celebration, but please 
give me just five minutes to get out of this uniform. 

Welsch. You bet we will. Come on, gang. 
(Hunt breaks through the crowd from right and 
rushes doum the center and exclaims, excitedly.) 

Hunt. Listen, fellows ! Mr. Boyden and Miss Mil¬ 
ler were just married, and they are planning to give us 
the slip and get out of town on the seven o’clock train. 
Shall we capture them for the parade? 

All. Sure! 

Welsch (to Rudolph). Jim, the parade will march 
up Chapel street and round up the bride and groom, 
and return for you in five minutes. All ready! Start 
up the band ! Forward, march ! 

(The procession repasses Henry Hall and amid cheers 
and leaving of pennants, the students march out 
at right , leaving Rudolph gazing after them 
half dazed. As the music dies away Pauline 
slips up beside him.) 

Rudolph. Pauline! (He takes both of her hands 
and leads her up on the porch.) 

Pauline. How can I ever thank you, Jim, for 
this great day? 

Rudolph. Don t try. I am so glad everything has 
turned out as it has, for it brings our college days to 
a happy ending. I played in the game, Pauline, because 
you wanted me to. You promised if I would, you 
would grant any favor that I might ask. 

Pauline. Well? 

(The returning band is heard in the distance.) 

no 


Rudolph. It is von, Pauline, I want you. 

Pauline (turns and looks out over the campus). 
Good bye, dear old college. Only the memories of your 
golden hours will live in our hearts and now I turn to 
greet the other life, which lies beyond, (turns to Ru¬ 
dolph) and follow where you lead. (They fall into 
each other’s arms.) 

(The noise of the returning parade grozvs louder and 
louder, but Pauline and Rudolph are unmind¬ 
ful of their surroundings. Enter parade from 
right, headed by Mr. Boyden and Miss Miller, 
sitting in a bedecked spring wagon. The couple 
is held in by the students. Some of the students 
rush up the steps after Pauline and Rudolph, 
when the curtain falls.) 

THE END. 


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